Where to go from here...12/24/08

God works in themes in my life, I think I’ve mentioned that before. Maybe that’s true of everyone. We’ve spent the last few days seeking Him on this adoption. We’ve hit a snag that threw us for a loop. We aren’t sure where to go from here. Maybe this adoption isn’t God’s will at all? We don’t know. But as I have struggled these last 7 days with my frustration and hurt I have also pondered how God has always chosen to work in my life. Some themes have become quite apparent. The first theme being that God rarely hands Veldon and me anything on a silver platter. Generally God works things out in our life through a struggle. Sometimes I’ve resented this, but as I look back over 18 years I see another theme. When we were too weak, either emotionally or spiritually, to engage in the struggle He went before us. This was never so clear as when we moved to Louisville KY to attend Southern Seminary. Moving from a church that had been so abusive to our family we were fragile to put it gently. God went before us, gave us a beautiful home to live in, a job for me, great professors for Veldon, one from whom he still seeks advice, and a church that sought to help us heal. It was an amazing journey and we saw God’s hand over and over again. But God has allowed us to struggle much more than he has paved such an easy road for us. This pattern, at times has caused me question, not God (so much) but us, are we so weak that God has to make it all difficult just to toughen us up? But as I look through the Bible, especially the Old Testament, I have to say no. I mean we are weak, but I don’t believe God thinks less of us because he allows us to struggle. Abraham struggled, having no land to call his own, being a nomad, called to sacrifice his covenant son. Moses struggled for 40 years in the desert tending another man’s flocks, and then struggled another 40 leading a rebellious nation. No one would look at their lives and say, “why didn’t God love them more”. The point was…is, there is a point with God. As we waited and prayed for the birth of our babies, the cards were stacked against us, I don’t think we could have felt more joy at each of their births. We were so relieved and so very grateful. More than we could have ever been had we not struggled to get them. I spent hours rocking and holding each of those sweet babies, marveling at what we had come through for each of them. After over 2 years of waiting for Hayden he was a most beloved of sons. Each one is a special blessing. Back to my point, God isn’t going to pave a road, like I would choose, for this adoption. We’ve stepped back for now, not because of lack of faith, we truly believe that God is “able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” Eph. 3:20. We are stepping back because more than anything we want to be in the center of God’s will. If, for some reason, he is stopping our adoption we must be obedient. If on the other hand he is allowing us to struggle, if he is not going to lay down each stone to make a beautiful path ahead of us, but rather he is going to work through the struggle, and we’ll have to look back to see the beautiful path...that’s fine too. I know he’s relieved to hear me say I’m okay with the way he chooses to work. I feel honored that God can trust us with the struggle, with the unknown, with blindly trusting him. We can handle it, as long as we know we are following him we won’t be scared away by life’s circumstances, we don’t cower when the next door isn't opened immediately, we never have. So as we walk through this adoption, either with relative ease or with struggles I can say with complete confidence…God is Good.