Grief

Last week our church family buried an infant. It was one of the saddest days I can remember in a long time. Abram was born too early and although he and his parents and his doctors all fought for his life, and our church family prayed and prayed the Lord took him home after 18 days of struggle. His sweet mommy is one of the dearest young ladies in my life, she is passionate about Christ and about sharing the Gospel with the nations. She and her husband are called to missions and I have no doubt they will be on the field sooner than later. She has grown up at our church and I have had the privilege of watching her mature and even come to Christ over the last, almost 7 years. I adore her and if I could have walked through the grief for her I would have. I remember so well the ordeal that started for us 20 years ago, loss after loss, and although I didn't get to hold those babies in my arms I also didn't have to watch them suffer, for which I am grateful, but they were losses nonetheless and I hurt anew for this young couple.

As we sat in the church honoring the sweet, brief life, I was overwhelmed, holding my son in my arms, at the number of people there to say good-bye to Abram, to support his parents and grandparents and to let them all know that we are here for them and that we love them. It struck me how many babies die alone, in dark rooms in orphanages, in hospitals abandoned by parents, on the streets. Alone. All alone. No grieving parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles. No church family gathering around mourning the loss of life, potential, love. At least 143,000,000 children are all alone. I can't reconcile that in my mind, I doubt anyone can. I can't understand why babies die, at birth, before birth shortly after birth, I can't understand why children are alone, all alone in the world. I can't understand a church mentality that reads epistles like James and says "yes, yes, something should be done" and yet does NOTHING! I don't understand how parents, mommies, can abandon children, but I've never been there. Cold, alone, hungry, an evil government threatening my entire existence. Even more than all of that I can't understand an indifferent, apathetic church! I can't understand how we will take the blessings of Christ's sacrifice and yet not make any ourselves and I'm sorry but giving up cable for a year isn't a sacrifice, nor is buying one less coffee a month. Christ's sacrifice was total and complete and yet we turn our back on anything that requires the same of us, or even half or even 1/4, good gracious it's crazy!! Where is the church? Oh never mind I think I know, they are at home watching the S*up*r B*wl or arguing with the sound guy about the volume of the music or buying more stuff, we, the church, are asleep to the needs of the world around us, not just orphans, but the lost and dying world because we have turned the American dream of comfort and prosperity into Christian doctrine. We believe that our abundance in some way proves God's pleasure with us, that He doesn't want us to suffer or sacrifice, and in the process we've disregarded Christ's sacrifice and His call for our own sacrifice as outdated and irrelevant.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I'm worn out. My body is tired. But as I sat in the funeral I wondered if I'm really too tired to bring one more child home? What does it matter if I'm tired for now? One day I will have all of eternity to rest, but while I'm here there's work to be done for those who cannot work for themselves, for those who have no voice, for those who have no church filled service full of family and friends mourning their passing. I don't know if we'll adopt again, but to shut the door would be the wrong decision right now. When I think about the sacrifices of my God and His Son to adopt me any sacrifice I might make seems small and weak and inadequate!