Culture Clash

So I'm struggling a little bit, well not really, but it has at least crossed my mind because I seem to confronted with it all the time. The question seems to be do we try to maintain Max's Thai culture or not. We aren't really planning on maintaining it. Max is an American now (almost). He was born into the Thai culture, but is no more, he was an orphan, but is no more. There are tons and tons of opinions on this subject, as you can imagine.

I'm on a Thai adoption email list, people from all over the world ask questions and talk about Thai adoption and the vast majority of those who have or are adopting from Thailand talk about the struggle to keep the child's country and culture relevant. This creates so many questions and thoughts on my part. Most of which I would never share on the adoption email list because they would lose their minds. They talk about trying to keep the language...how do white, English only speaking Americans keep a child's very tonal, very different language? They talk about celebrating Thai holidays, but that begs the question of time and money. They take their kids to Buddhist temples, again why? We rescued him from paganism why would I put him back in to it? Clearly not everyone who adopts from Thailand is a Christian I get that. These all seem very well and good on the outside, not the temple one of course, but honestly why would we do this? Why would I want to constantly point out to my child that the five of us are the same and he is different? He's going to get that anyway. Why would I want to teach him to celebrate a culture I have little respect for? This is a culture and a country that threw my child away, I'm sorry but that's the reality of the situation. Max was not seen as precious or special by the Thai people he was seen as the bottom of society. He was abandoned at an orphanage at 6 weeks for who knows what reason never to be checked on again. The people of Thailand don't, as a rule, adopt because ancestors and blood relationships are the most important thing. Yet well meaning, politically correct, white, American, adoptive parents want to force this culture on their rescued children. I don't understand. I just read a blog where an adoptive mom wished her child's birth mom and foster mom in Thailand a happy Thai Mother's Day....REALLY!! I'm not so bothered by the foster mom she at least cared for the child, but the birth mom! She abandoned the child, she walked away. Maybe she had good reasons, his life is clearly better now, but honestly when something good comes out of something bad does that make the something bad good? I don't think so. Max was born in Thailand and he lived there for 4 years, but that's not his heritage, that's not his culture anymore. Max's heritage and culture is this, his grandfather and his great-grandfather were both Baptist preachers. We celebrate Easter and Christmas, German egg noodles are the center of most holiday food and we love, love, love our country! His momma's family came from Europe and his daddy's family has Native American in it. He's a Tims now and forever, his ethnicity might be Thai, but that's after he's a Tims and an American and hopefully someday a believer in Jesus Christ.

I recently spoke with another adoptive mom about this whole issue, the amazing thing is she was adopted from Korea so she is an adoptive mom and an adopted child. She had such insight. She said her parents did try to keep her birth culture somewhat alive and tried to make her and her other adopted sisters feel special for being Asian, but it just made her and her sisters feel different and separated from the family. They wanted to belong to the family first, they felt like Americans first, she says she's not Korean, although her ethnicity is Korean, she is American and not "Asian-American". She never felt different except for the differences her parents pointed out. She isn't angry, or even upset, with them because they were doing what they thought was right by their daughters, but it wasn't what the girls wanted. They wanted to belong and be normal and in normal families we don't have multiple cultures we all merge into one. As an adoptive mom of a girl from China and a boy from Vietnam she said the only culture in their home is American, her kids are American! It was so nice to talk to her about all of this, to get some clarity and perspective.

I will never speak badly of Thailand to Max. I tell everyone who listens that we had a wonderful trip to Thailand to pick him up. I tell him, and others, that it is a beautiful country and the people were so kind to us, but I can't sugar coat the reality of the situation. That country and culture let my son down. Every country has it's flaws, we are all sinners, but I want Max to be proud of his new country and culture. It is this country that gave us the freedom to bring him home so he too could be free, he too can be a citizen because we chose him, and it is this culture that accepts children and people who are different (no matter what some people say our racism and discrimination seem none existent compared to other places in the world!). We are the great "melting pot" and this is the only country in which that is true...I'm glad it's my son's country now!