2 Months!!!!

Today is two months from the day we met and took our Max from the orphanage. Two months of learning a lot, trial and error, tears, exhaustion, laughing, playing and becoming more than 5 Americans and a Thai boy. It doesn't seem like it has been that long time has flown by, but in some ways it feels as if he's always been here. It's hard to remember the wait and frustration, it's hard to remember what a day was like without listening to Elmo or singing silly songs. In so many ways and most of the time everything is going very well. He seems happy, and he seems to really like us. At other times it is very difficult. I can tell that he struggles constantly with being a little boy with parents telling him what to do and with being an orphan on his own making his own decisions. He wants to do what he wants to do, I know that's true of all of us but this is different. At times I can tell he doesn't understand why in the world we are telling him he has to do something. I can tell that he resents it as if we don't have the right. He wants to be a child, he wants boundaries but he is resistant. Every time we have a struggle over anything, and it can be anything he decides to revolt against, he hugs and kisses me, after the conflict is over and the boundary has remained in place, as if he is thanking me for sticking to my guns. He has to feel so much safer knowing we mean what we say and we follow through. Nevertheless the wheels are always turning in his mind looking to find any tiny crack to get his way. As with any strong willed child we often give him choices between 2 or 3 things. He hates T-shirts, he LOVES button up shirts. The problem is he doesn't have enough button up shirts to wear one every day, or even every other day. So I generally get out a couple of T-shirts and let him pick, he goes to closet and points to the button ups, I tell him no he can pick one of the other two and then he refuses I pick he picks the other and we go on. He will then, generally, gripe about the shirt for a couple of hours, but he did at least have a little say in the decision. At night he falls asleep patting and rubbing me and generally has his arm hooked around mine. He wants to be a little boy, he wants to feel safe with his momma and in those quiet moments between sleep and wakefulness he lets his guard down and allows us to see he is vulnerable. Speaking of sleep, we decided a long time ago that he would sleep with us, I've mentioned that before, the first few weeks it was hard, he stirred constantly and moved around. He has always wanted to touch one of us in his sleep but he just was never still. I thought I would come to regret the decision, but I don't regret it even for a second. I can see that sleeping with us calms him. It gives him security and draws him closer to us as his parents. I think it re-enforces to him that we are his safety now and I can see that his sleep directly correlates to the day we have had. The night after the appointment with the endocrinologist, and the same day his grandparents arrived, he slept fitfully. He moved and kicked and squirmed. He was so stressed out and afraid at the doctor, he cried and fought, and even though there was no pain he was terrified. Then we got home and he met his grandparents. He adored them but still they were new and following such a stressful appointment his world was a little upside down. The next night he slept better and by the third night he was fine again, sleeping peacefully. I am so glad to be able to watch the day he had in his sleep, to kind of evaluate how he is handling his life. The fitful nights are becoming less frequent, maybe a few times a week rather than every single night. So anyway, I am pleased with our decision and although it has cost me some precious rest it has been totally worth it.

Next week our new schedule kind of begins. He will have to be away from me most of the day on Monday. I'm not sure how that will go. Veldon is going to keep him with him, at home or some at the office, but Max hasn't spent much time away from me and when I'm not around he generally doesn't like it. I will be in and out a lot next week and then on the 15th we start school which means he will be in our preschool. I really think he will like his time with his friend Joel but I think it will shake his world again too, I hate, on some levels, that he has to be separated from me at all, on the other hand I hope it will be good for him to see that when I leave him I always return and am never far away. I just keep praying for him that God will help him to bond to and trust quickly the two women who will primarily care for him on Mondays and Wednesdays. They are both sweet ladies and will shower him with love so my concerns have nothing to do with the care he will receive, more just how he will feel about not being with me.

I am so grateful that God worked it out for us to travel at the beginning of summer. Of course my humanity screams that I wish it had been the beginning of the summer of 2010, but that's neither here nor there! He is such a blessing. He is hard work and at times we are worn to the bone, but I wouldn't change the last two months for anything. I will be forever grateful that good allowed me the blessing of bringing this precious child into my home and allowed me to be his mother!