He's Ours Forvever!

We all got up early yesterday, 6:00am during Christmas break, got ready and headed north for our adoption hearing. We chose to use an attorney in TN who also works in GA because he was Kam and Jason's attorney and understands the process really well. We also wanted to finalize in a county other than our own because our county is known for giving adoptive parents a really hard time about finalizing. It seems crazy but it's true nonetheless. In my opinion it's a small example of how judges can grab more power than is actually Constitutional for them to have. As adoptive parents we jump through all the hoops, follow all the rules, pay all the fees to all the various government departments state and federal and then to be cleared by the state, and the federal government along with the Thai government to adopt and have the county say it's not enough is ridiculous! So we bypassed our county and went north.

When Veldon was putting Max's shoes on him, before we left yesterday morning, he looked out the window and said "oh it's still night time!" in his most exasperated voice and his nose all crinkled up. We all laughed and tried to explain it was really early morning. He wasn't interested in the semantics, he saw it was still dark outside and could not begin to understand why he was up.

The hearing was short and sweet, we all piled into a small conference room, the girls, Veldon, Max, me and Kam. Kam went with us because we don't have any family close by to witness it or take pictures. Hayden worked late the night before and opted to stay home. As it turned out Kam couldn't take her camera into the court building so she couldn't take any pictures and it was raining outside so the attorney took a couple with us and the judge and then we ran to the car and off to McDonald's.

Our attorney asked Veldon to give the judge a history our Max's life. Veldon did a great job of giving a skeleton view. I was wishing he would have asked me because I had so many other things I would have added. It hit me later in the day that I bet that attorney was being smart asking the dad. They really aren't looking for a play by play of the child's life, that a mother would give, but just a quick summary of his experience. So I have to commend my man for not being as prone to use and over use details as I am!

Of course, having completed the entire process now I have to look back and reflect on all we have walked through to bring our son home. I started reading Orphanology a week or so ago, I will be leading a study of it in the Spring with Kam, and the very first chapter, it might have been the introduction even, hit me. The author was talking about the cost of adoption, financial, emotional, time etc. the things that stop people from beginning the process or even wanting to bring an orphan home. He said he struggled with all the costs involved, he struggled with the wait, with money, with everything and didn't really want to do it. Then, as he studied the Word, he recognized the cost to Christ and the Father for our salvation, a cost and a loss and a sacrifice that could never even begin to compare with the tiny cost to us in bringing a child home and his perspective changed. Of course, knowing the cost of our salvation was immeasurable wasn't a new truth to him but seeing our own selfish sacrifices in light of that of Christ's changed everything!

I love that! I love that when we compare ourselves to the world, what we have, who we are, sacrifices made...whatever, we will either feel really good about ourselves and what we are doing or we will feel we don't have enough ~ time, money, energy, etc. On the other hand, if we compare ourselves to Christ we can only see ourselves in the light of His holiness and we can only see our need in the light of His abundance! We can't give more than He, we can't do more than He and we can't have more than He.

So as I think about the road we walked. It cost us much, a lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of money, a lot of pain, but Christ was sufficient to provide for all of our needs. He understands sacrifice and He understands how to care for us when we struggle and hurt. I am so grateful that He walked the road before I did. That He adopted me before I adopted a child, that He understands loss, and wait and all of it. I am grateful for the opportunity Christ gave to us to become the parents of our son.

The End of a Very Long Process

It seems lately that my blog posts don't get finished/posted the day I begin them so this was written on Tuesday 12/20.

This was my conversation with Max today as we discussed going to court in the morning and seeing the judge so we could be his parents forever.

Max ~ Why you get me from Thailand? Me ~ Because you needed a mommy and daddy. Max ~ Why? Me ~ You didn't want to live at Bann Fang Fa forever did you? Max ~ No. Me ~ So God knew you needed a mommy and daddy and we were in America so He told us to go to Thailand and get you and we said okay. Max ~ That was nice, I like Him!

He is talking more about Thailand right now. Asking me to say things in "Thailand" and then he will tell me what they mean. If I ask him what an English word is in Thai he usually can't recall it, but if I say the Thai to him he generally can. This won't be a good method for him retaining his Thai as I can say about 10 words/phrases and I don't say them well. But it is very interesting watching him become fluent in his new language and hold on to the old. If there were a way for him to retain it I think we might try but I have no way of doing that. It would require immersion and that's not possible, but perhaps when he is an adult he'll be able to learn Thai again if he so desires.

As I have mentioned about a billion times we are cautiously optomistic that all will be quick and easy in the morning.

Great News For Max

Today (actually 3 days ago, but I'm just now finishing the post) Max went to the last of his endocrinologist appointments. He was rather nervous and wasn't sure he could believe me that he wasn't going to get another shot. I assured him and even promised him that no matter what there would be NO shot. The first thing he said to the doctor when he walked into the door was "I can't want a shot". The doctor...who is a little bit odd...was taken aback a bit by Max but then he chuckled and said he could probably work that out. Max looked at me and smiled as if to let me know that he had taken care of it. Of course there was no way I was going to allow another shot after promising the boy and after as many has he has had even if he needed another one it could wait for a month. But all the promises were in vain and unnecessary because Max is done with growth shots and hormone shots!! The doctor said he doesn't see any need for anymore shots and surgery is no longer necessary. Again Veldon and I were stunned, but unlike our Shriner's experience I asked a lot of questions, I think to the point of annoying the mousy doctor, but that's fine with me.

Amazingly this sweet boy with the crooked arm who was going to come home and face surgery after surgery and even more surgeries for issues we didn't know existed is seemingly off the hook! I would have never even thought to hope that he would not be looking at surgery. I would have guessed that by December, 6 months after coming home, he would have already had at least one surgery and facing more. That's what everyone told us and what conventional wisdom thought. I know people, on our TARS support group list, who have had up to 20 surgeries by the time they are into young adulthood. Max may still, and I think likely will, need surgeries in the future but if he can go a year home without surgeries, a year to adjust, to bond, to grow, to get healthy, then I will count it as a huge victory!

We finished our first semester of preschool this week. Max had a good semester! He has learned a lot and loves the structure of the preschool. He was also evaluated for kindergarten in the fall and I filled out the application for kindergarten and as soon as I pushed "send" thought "I don't think I'll send him in the fall". I don't know what we'll do actually. We have never been the parents that push their kids to get big. I kept my kids in children's clothes for as long as I possibly could, they listened to children's music and watched Veggie Tales, Barney and Dora for a long time. Max has developmental delays for sure. Although he is 4 1/2, actually closer to 5, he doesn't play well with other kids. He engages more in parallel play, he plays around other kids. He plays really well with our neighbor's little boy who turned three a few months ago. He also isn't good about taking care of himself, when someone is unkind to him he doesn't know to tell the teacher. I am sure this is a holdover from institutional life, you just go with whatever comes your way. But I don't want him to allow children to be mean to him. When it happens and I ask him if he told the teacher he's blank. "No why would I do that?" Kind of blank. Not that I want him to be a tattle tale I just want him to be able to protect/defend himself. He is also rather small for 4 1/2. He's in 5th percentile for height and 16th for weight. He's still a little guy! Well, all that being said I guess I'm not sure what to do in the fall. Thankfully we have a little time to figure it out. I don't think we would ever regret giving him another year to catch up, I don't think I would mind waiting another year before starting to school him, but I also don't want him to be frustrated with preschool and bored.

We finalize in five days! I'm am cautiously excited. I'm also ready for this very long, very tiresome process to be done. God has blessed us so greatly with this beautiful boy who is smart, and funny and fits into our family perfectly. He is engaged with his world, remembers everything, talks all the time and is generally pleasant to be around. It seemed that everything went wrong in bringing this beautiful boy home, but once he got home things have gone so beautifully well! What an amazing God we serve!

Santa is for All Some Children

Christmas is quickly approaching! Of course the whole house is excited...especially Max who knows something really good is going on but really has not idea what to expect. He asks questions and talks about the tree. He knows presents are involved, but since there aren't any under the tree yet he isn't sure how that part works. As I've mentioned before the boy is brilliant! He notices everything around him, including a man walking to his car through the gas station parking lot yesterday. The man had a black, soft brace around his middle and when he got to the car Max asked "What people do to their back?". I asked who he was talking about, I knew but I wanted to double check that he was really asking what I thought he was. He said "that people right their in her car, what he do to her back?" (Yes, he's a bit confused with pronouns right now!) Of course I had no idea what the man did to his back and told Max as much he then mused and said "Maybe fell down?". That seemed plausible so I agreed it was possible and then Veldon was back and we were leaving. I was left stunned that his 4 1/2 year old who is still adapting to his world noticed this about someone else and even tried to figure out what had happened!

That being said I will now move to Christmas. I am a huge fan of Christmas, I don't like the commercialization nor do I like the over decorating or the Black Friday nonsense, but really who does? None of the a fore mentioned stuff makes me special in the least. One thing I do really love about Christmas is Santa! I collect Santas and love how sweet they all look around my house and on my tree. I am partial to the traditional version or even the English, long cloak version, not so fond of modern Santas playing golf or ...whatever. I know he's become very secular and many believers poo poo the man in red with the rosy cheeks, but not me! I love the idea of Santa, I love how he looks and what he stands for. Saint Nicolas was real and his tradition of helping the poor is a blessing to read about and to see the love of Christ flow through such a common man. Santa is a little different than his namesake. Santa seems to exist more for the wealthy of our world and less for those truly in need! Of course when Santa isn't real and it's incumbent on parents to fill in for the jolly soul then it stands to reason Santa gives more to those who can afford more, simple logic wins there.

When our older kids were little we did Santa with them and Katie was pretty sure Santa was real until about 5th grade (although she might deny that). We have had many friends who don't do the Santa thing which is fine. We tried to connect Santa with Jesus, even if in a lame, small way. We always told them that just like Jesus Santa gives us what we don't deserve because of love. It's a weak connection but a connection nonetheless. So when Max came home the question of Santa was looming, over my head at least! We decided that, given the memory our sweet son has and the connections he is able to make, there is no way we can make Santa seem even slightly real. We never want the question from him as to why Santa brings unnecessary things to rich kids in the Western world, but ignore the kids truly in need in orphanages all over the world? If Santa loves children wouldn't he seek to alleviate the suffering of children even for just one day? So Santa sits around our house as a make-believe icon of Christmas. There won't be any "Santa" gifts this year, which is actually fine with me I prefer to get the credit for the really great gifts my kids get! When we talk about Santa we talk about him as we do Frosty the Snowman or Barney. He is fun and pretend and there's nothing more to it. We can enjoy songs about him but he's pretend. Jesus, Mary and the Wise men they are real!

Max is a wise man in his preschool Christmas program on Monday. He is very excited and the preschool is doing a really good job at teaching him about what his going on. Of course we are talking about it at home too, but the reinforcement at the school is very nice. He talks about baby Jesus and the wise men and the angels (not to be confused with Aunt Jill).

I'll post pictures of the play next week!

Last Leg of the Journey

Yesterday launched us officially into the last leg of our journey to make Max our son. We completed our third and final home study. It was rather uneventful, Cheryl came to the house as usual and Max and the rest of the family answered her questions and shared about life for the last 6 months with our newest boy. Max charmed her with his sweet, sweet personality and with his smarts. He talked to her a lot, played the guitar for her, sang and played ball. He can throw a football in a spiral...it's pretty impressive! He asked her several questions about what she was doing and what she was writing about him. He absolutely knew and understood she was there to talk about him. He told her a little about Thailand and seeing the elephants play soccer and fight (at the elephant exhibit and show we went to). He danced, which is hysterically funny because it looks like a cross between soft shoe and some sort of hillbilly shoulder dance. I can't imagine how he came up with it but it's priceless. Cheryl was thrilled to actually hear him talk and count, and say his ABCs and point to colors and name them. He really turned it on, but I was grateful. It was one time that it was all right to make himself the center of attention when company was over.

In three weeks from tomorrow we are scheduled to finalize in court. Today I went back over some old emails from our agency, I was looking for some specific information, but came across the email we got a few weeks after we started working to adopt him, when it looked like we might not be able to adopt him...I felt all those raw feelings of loss and disappointment. We hadn't been working towards him for very long, but my heart was set and I couldn't help but hurt. There were other circumstances that added to the hurt and all of that came flooding back. We went for 2 months not knowing for sure what would happen and spending a lot of time praying and waiting for the home study to be wrapped up. By the time the home study was done Veldon had decided that no matter what we would move forward with Tankhun. Our social worker encouraged us to apply for grants and wait a few more weeks to see what the agency would decide. I reread the email Kate sent to me telling me that a grant had been awarded to Tankhun and the hold papers were on their way. We waited 3 long months before being able to move forward to bring him home. We had no idea that 3 months would seem short and insignificant in comparison to the final wait! But still all the stress of the those months and relief we felt knowing he was on hold for us is indescribable.

In the months ~ years ~ we waited for Max so very much happened. Our faith was stretched beyond belief and at times I was sure I lost mine. Why would God allow our little boy to wait and wait and wait when our family was ready and willing to bring him home? I am sure that we are not to question God and I am sure that many more faithful than I don't, but in those long dark months my heart and my mind argued a lot. My logic and my mind understood God had a plan, that His ways are good and right, but my heart was breaking for a little boy who needed to come home. I still have no answers about the wait, but I know that we made it, that God brought us through and although some would say that we didn't handle it well I believe that we did what we could to bring Him Glory through the process. Life is hard, circumstances are difficult but God is faithful to us and to His purposes. We were told we were on the wrong road. People asked if the child really even existed if maybe it was all a fraud...so many strange and thoughtless things were said to us. But even through all of the that we didn't question our commitment to the process...not really. At times I would cry and tell God I would wait 1 more month, or 2 or 3 or whatever number was in my head on that day, but of course how could I quit? How could we walk away because it was too hard on us? How could we leave a beautiful little boy over there to start over and wait longer? In the final analysis, obviously, it didn't matter how long we would wait, we would do it!

If we walk this road again I think there's every chance we would look at Thailand. There might be seemingly easier roads, but in the end there are no guarantees, just a sovereign God who does as He pleases and is always right and always good and always working in our lives for His own purposes and glory!

Amazingly we will complete this journey with Tankhun...Maxwell Calvin T.....3 years and about 8 days to the day of our first seeing his beautiful picture. Of the 3 year process I can say with absolute certainty that the last 6 months have been the very best!!!

Thanksgiving Travel

Last week was a whirlwind of activity before we left for Max's great adventure. We finished school, the older kids worked late into Tuesday and Wednesday evenings to be finished with Thursday's and Friday's work and be home free for travel. We loaded up the van Thursday morning in our new/old mini-van and hit the road for Russellville, AR the first leg of our great tour. Max did so amazingly well I couldn't believe it! He is not much of a complainer and just generally goes with whatever is going on around him. I am sure that is part of the residual of life in an institution...lack of control. We ate McDonald's for lunch, which he loved the rest of us kind of endured, and then for dinner we were determined to find a Wendy's. We exited and drove past a McDonald's, with Max yelling "there it is I found it", but couldn't find a Wendy's. We got back on the interstate to go to the next exit and got caught in traffic...more like a parking lot. It took us 45 minutes to go about 12 miles. By the time we were caught Max was telling us how hungry he was. We were hungry too! "I huuungry momma". It was very sad, of course he wasn't starving to death but I was sad to make him wait. From the very back of the van Katie yells "let's just stop at McDonald's" REALLY Katie!!! Aren't you the one who protested McDonald's at the last exit? It would have been nice to know that 20 minutes ago! Of course her response was "I'm really hungry now!" I couldn't fault her too much although I could be rather annoyed.

We finally stopped and ate...at McDonald's...Max was thrilled! He kept cheering and saying "you did it Daddy, you found it!". It was super sweet. We rolled into the hotel a mere 10 1/2 hours after leaving Canton and were grateful to get out of the car. Of course the old adage "out of the frying pan into the fire" might have worked here because I think we all actually had more room in the van than we did in the hotel, plus we had to stick Emma in a bag and sneak her in. I know that's probably wrong to break the hotel rules by bringing in a dog, but she's small and quiet and couldn't very well sleep in the van. Max was so interested in Emma being in a bag he couldn't stop talking about it.

We drove the final leg of the first part of our trip on Friday and got to Chickasha in the early afternoon. As we pulled up to the house all of Max's questions were answered he finally understood we were actually driving to a real house to see Grandma and Grandpa. As Max generally is, he was a tiny reserved for the first few minutes and then he relaxed and started having a great time. He met his Uncle Steve and his family and had a great time throwing the ball around with his cousins. He played hard and fell asleep rather easily when bedtime came.

Sat and Sun were good days. We went shopping and played ball, watched movies and went to church. We visited the church Veldon's dad pastored for years and heard the new preacher, he was good, but he's no Johnny! Max sat on Grandpa's lap for part of the service and then made his way back to his Daddy. It brought tears to my eyes seeing my brown boy being loved on by his extended family. He adores both sets of grandparents and I can't wait for him to meet Aunt Jill on Tuesday.

As we are still in our first year of Max being home it's so easy to reflect back to what was going on a year ago as we waited. Last Thanksgiving was bitter sweet, we had a referral but were waiting on the Article 16, praying and hoping it would come the first part of Dec., of course it didn't come for 4 more months...had I known that at the time I would have been devastated. I remember to previous 2 Christmases and how much I love being with my family with nothing else going on, but how sad I was not to have our little boy home. For much of the wait for Max I guarded my heart. I wanted him home, loved him as much as I could from a far and grieved for the time we were missing, but for over a year I wouldn't call him by the American name we had chosen, nor would I decorate or prepare a room for him. I went back and forth on having his picture on my laptop as wallpaper, I didn't have a lot of pictures of him around the house. I didn't want a lot of reminders of him, I didn't want my heart to wrench all day everyday. I don't want to be dramatic or whine, but our life has seen it's share of heartache and disappointment, certainly not as much as some and possibly more than others, so I wasn't prepared to give my heart away to this child from the gate. We decided to walk through the process and be grateful for each day that brought us closer to having another son. By the time we had waited for our referral for almost 10 months I began to let my guard down and call him Max. Our SW had met with the Thai SW who assured her that everything was fine and all we had to do was wait. From there we were much more hopeful, albeit frustrated at an infuriating process, but we believed Max would eventually come home.

Now six months later we are home safe and sound. We are scheduled to finalize and things seem to be moving along nicely. By the end of the week Max will have met nearly everyone in our family and will be more firmly connected to his world. Next month he is being evaluated for Kindergarten. Part of me wants to give him another year to adjust and just be, but he is so very smart...at least we think he is, and he seems so interested in learning that I hate to hold him back if he would be bored with another year in preschool. These are hard decisions for parents to make. I struggled for months as to whether or not to send Allison to K when she was five, she was a young five and I wondered if she needed another year, she couldn't even spell her name! But the decision to send her was right, she is smart and does great in school. We'll just trust that we'll make the right decision for Max.

I am overwhelmed for all God has done for us and given us with our precious son. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to walk the road of orphan adoption and so amazed by the way God has provided for us every step of the way. We could not have imagined a year ago how wonderfully blessed we would be by this sweet, beautiful boy!

Great Amercian Tour

Next week we leave on our first true trip with Max. We are driving first to Oklahoma and then to Texas for Thanksgiving...which happens to be one of my very most favorite holidays. I just love the ease of the day, the yummy food and the lack of pressure. I adore Christmas and what it represents but Christmas has become a competition, I'm sure I'm the only one who sees it that way, but this is my blog so these are my thoughts, everyone brags/competes (that's how I take it!) for the most trees or best decorations or to be the one who loves the holiday the most. I'm such a pain that when things like that start happening I tend to bow out. I'm not interested. Oh and I don't really care how many trees anyone has, put up 40, that's not really the point I am trying to make.

So back to my point! We are calling this Max's "Great American Tour" it would more accurately be called "The Great Southwest Tour", but that just doesn't have the same ring! He is going to meet family members he has not yet met and see the homes of his grandparents and aunts. I am very excited, my very best friend in the world is my big sister and she has talked to Max on the phone but hasn't met him...I'm ready! I love that when I talk to her he thinks I'm talking to Joel, because to a little Thai guy Joel and Jill sound very much the same. I think he's always surprised when it's a grown up girl on the phone! It will be a long, long drive 10 1/2 hours the first day and 5 on Friday then after a few days in OK we'll drive 3 hours down to TX and then after a few days we'll drive all the way home, 13 hours, in one day. I'm trying to prepare Max for the very long days but there's really no way to do that. He is super excited to eat in the car, which he has done on numerous occasions and generally complains, and to watch movies in the van. We're going to find out how things go next Thursday and Friday! We'll all survive, but I fear it will try the nerves of us all!

Last night Veldon and Max were playing ball and I thought I would snap a few shots. These aren't really natural because anytime you get a camera out those being shot really turn it on, but they are still cute and he was having a fun time.












As you can see Daddy was the hoop and the kitchen was the gym, it was cold and dark outside.

Next week Max gets the last of his growth hormone shots, we are seeing growth and change so we are hopeful, but if he requires more or a different course of action we are trusting God. He has a plan for the precious child...we just hope we don't screw it up in the meantime!!!

Orphan Sunday, Operation Christmas Child and Finalization

That's a lot for a title, but hopefully it will all be in here!

Last Sunday our church observed Orphan Sunday...I'm not really sure observed is the right word, celebrated certainly wouldn't be correct either, but the point is we put the spotlight on orphans and their needs. A couple families gave testimonies about adoption, the sermon was about adoption and how to care for orphans and Veldon sang a sweet song about bringing your child home. Kam made a video for the church and used the pictures of Max's homecoming for it. She did a great job and the church seemed to respond well to it. Max loved seeing himself on the big screen...of course who wouldn't? Well, actually me for one, since the pictures and video were of us coming off the plane after 24+hours of flying I looked like death, but other than that it was a super sweet video and I think it connected with the church because so many of them walked through the process with us, they prayed for us, cried with us and waited.

Here's the video




Last week while I was still in prayer and Veldon had started orchestra Kam got Max from Veldon and took him to our family life center to pack a box for Operation Christmas Child. She took several pictures of him packing the box and when I found them a few minutes later he was very excited to tell me all about it. We went to the flc for him to show me what he did. He then showed me the box and told me he wanted to take "his box". I explained that he was only packing the boxes but he doesn't get to keep one. He wanted to know why so I explained that the boxes are for kids with nothing and he has stuff now so he doesn't need a box. He seemed to accept this okay and we moved on. I posted the little story on Facebook this week and heard back from a missionary who works at Max's former orphanage. She said Max used to get a box every year for his birthday so he probably recognized it and was confused. I would normally think he wouldn't remember that but the boy doesn't seem to forget anything so I am guessing he recognizes that those boxes held good things and he liked getting them. How wonderfully sweet that Max no longer needs a box, he has everything he needs and when he needs something else he has parents to provide it for him. What a blessing for Max to have received those boxes and what an even bigger blessing that he will never need a box again! I am so grateful for Samaritan's Purse and their vision to give to kids in need.

Here are some pictures of him packing...





An lastly we got the official notice that we will finalize the adoption at 9:00am on Dec. 21st providing our agency and everyone else get's everything done. The agency assures me it won't be a problem so I am going to trust them. We are all so excited to see this chapter in our lives closed...of course there's the whole raising him thing now!!

Theivery!!!

This week, on Wednesday morning, Max had a little Fall Festival at his preschool. They were allowed to dress up if they wanted to, costumes and Halloween aren't really my thing so Max didn't dress up and honestly I'm pretty sure he would not have known why he was dressed up so it was no big deal. Since Wednesday is the end of our going to school week I'm tired when we get home and generally don't get into Max's backpack until Thursday morning. This Thursday morning Max was going through the contents of his backpack as I was watching. He began to pull out something blue and red and as I watched him his face grew very somber. I realized it was a spider man costume and asked him where he got it. He said it was Samuel's, I asked why he had it, he replied "because I want it". I took the costume from him, explained he couldn't take other people's stuff, and sent an email to the teacher to ask if she knew why Max would have Samuel's costume, if a worker had made a mistake or if Max had taken it...well, of course I still haven't heard back from her. I struggle with knowing what is going through Max's mind, obviously, although he understands his world and is certainly fluent in English, there are things that are still difficult for him like past, present and future. He struggles with amounts, possession, emotions, etc. thus explaining why he has something from school proved to be difficult. Is he saying he wants it now that he has it? Could it be he wanted it and took it? Was it something Samuel said he would share with Max? (Doubtful on that one!) I was at a loss, but as I continued to query Max on the costume it became more and more clear that he had the costume because he wanted it. As he took his favorite jacket out of the backpack he told Allison "Samuel cannot have my jacket". It seemed to me that he thought Samuel might take his jacket because Max took his costume. So again, I told Max it was wrong to take other people's belongings.

As a consequence Max was not allowed to watch TV, namely Barney, for the remainer of the day or the next. I generally see myself more of natural and logical consequence parent, but there was no real logical consequence. He couldn't play with the costume, but he wouldn't have been to play with it if he hadn't stolen it either. I couldn't let Samuel steal something from Max, I'm not even really sure who this Samuel is and with the lack of response from the teacher I can't even email and apologize for my son's egregious behavior. So no Barney it was. I explained no Barney "today or tomorrow". He asked one time later that day and I reminded him he was being punished, he nodded and didn't ask again. I'm not really sure if he understood the time frame or if he decided to wait for Barney until it was offered. Either way he had no Barney and he knew it was for having the costume. Now if the teacher decides to email me and tell me they gave it to Max I'll have to figure out a way to apologize...I'm sure that will be easy to make clear. It was a hard decision but in the end we believe discipline it too important to put off on the chance he didn't steal it. At the very least it needs to be very clear to him that he shouldn't have other people's stuff.

Jill and I were talking about it today and she thought it might be left over behavior from the orphanage. I think she might be right. I'm sure that if Tankhun saw something in the orphanage he wanted he just took it and probably things that belonged to him were taken, I know they were because nearly everything we sent him was gone by the time we got there...the general opinion is that the workers take the kid's stuff...great example!

So today I explained to Max that on Monday the costume would be returned to Samuel and asked him what he would say to Samuel, his response? "thank you". My response *sigh* "No Max you will say sorry." Max ~ "Ooooh, sorry, okay". He's a sweet boy (with some impulse control issues!) and he's a sinner as every human before him but maybe he has learned a little lesson about stealing, maybe not. I think we'll be monitoring the backpack closely from now on!

Observations

This week another family was in Thailand picking up their 6 year old boy. The process has been very unsmooth (is that a word?) for them and it didn't end smoothly either. Thankfully it all ended well and they are flying home right now as I type. I'm thrilled for them, they were approved at the same board meeting we were approved at and are just now traveling. Their agency has been difficult to work with to say the least, but I also think the officials in Thailand made things difficult because the foster mom really wanted to keep the boy, which to me begs the question, why didn't she petition to adopt him? Maybe they aren't allowed to I don't know but to think she would rather this boy remain an orphan all his life and would likely remain in that institution his entire adult life as well makes me wonder. Is that really love? I think letting this boy go without a fight, and knowing that this family has the means and willingness to deal with his physical issues and that in America he won't be discriminated against for his disability and he has a future, it truly love. The ordeal is over for them now, they have six months and they can finalize and forget about this terrifying event, but sadly many other orphans remain in Thailand, stuck in orphanages because families and workers refuse to do what's best for the kids.

On a different note, strangely enough we are already beginning to think about next year and whether or not Max will start Kindergarten. It has always been my plan to hold him back for a year because I/we felt that he would likely need time to catch up, and although he is delayed in some areas he seems to be learning and changing so quickly that we now wonder if it might be best for him to start his formal education. Of course he will be at King's with the other kids so it's only in a classroom two days a week and then home for three days. Max is so smart, I know I'm his momma and he is special to me, but still he seems exceptional. He watches everything and notices everything. He stands back and observes before he jumps in, but the difference with him is he is observing, not oblivious to what's going on around him. He watches and learns from what he sees and then adjusts himself accordingly. The other day Allison asked if Barney could be turned off because she wanted to take a test. I suggested she wait for a little while, she didn't want to do that. Max, ever watching, went and turned off the TV and told Allison he was sorry it was bothering her. I'm not sure any of my other kids would have been that aware of the conversations and happenings around them at the age of 4. He is always thinking and his eyes have never been blank, even in the pictures we have of him from Thailand his eyes seemed so alert, of course I thought I was biased, but he is alert, he is aware and he is constantly processing. He engages with his world in a way we never expected. I am so curious to watch him grow and develop.

Faith

This week one of my Thailand adoption friends called to tell me that the child background/referral for their little boy had finally come. This is such great and welcome news for them, their paperwork went to Thailand a week before ours and their referral has come 12 1/2 months after ours! The whole process is crazy. Their little boy is older than Max he turns 7 next month and although they are so thrilled for their referral they, of course, grieve the time they have lost for unknown and likely unnecessary reasons. Our social worker told Danielle to plan on traveling about the time next year that we traveled this year, in the late spring. I hope and pray their final approval and article 16 comes more quickly than ours did, but she is wise enough to know it might take that long.

Danielle's call reminded me of the relief and joy I felt last year when we finally received the much needed paperwork and were sliding into the next, final steps necessary to bring Max home. It was so sweet because it gave me a break from the stress of wondering if "today would be our day", it also gave us some hope of a timeline. Our wait is nothing compared to Danielle's and I hurt for them. I can't imagine what another year in the process must have felt like, and with no other children to wait with, but God faithfully brought them through and the ball is rolling now.

I was reading the other day in my devotional and it happened to be about suffering and trials. It said "Dear believer, if you are in trouble, the voice of that trouble is designed to draw you nearer to God. God has favored you, favored you with an extraordinary means of growth of in grace. Believe that the deepest afflictions are always neighbors to the highest joys. The greatest possible privileges lie close to the darkest trials. The more bitter your sorrow, the louder your song in the end. Our afflictions are the highway that leads us closer to God." Veldon and I have spent much of our married life "in trouble/affliction" whether it was, or is, financial strain, lost babies, difficult churches to serve in, pastors (or their wives) who resented (hated) us, a 901 day wait for a son, or anything in between, we have known troubles and affliction and God has been faithful. Spurgeon is right, of course, those afflictions have drawn us closer to God, they have strengthened our faith in God. Who knows if those faith builders were necessary because our faith was so weak (likely) or if those faith builders worked because we were able to persevere (only because of the One who dwells in us), but whatever the reason the work of God works! God didn't and hasn't always met our needs the way we wanted Him to. I've said this before and will repeat myself again I'm sure, I tend to do that. But God hasn't always met our financial needs, we've never been truly hungry but we have certainly had to decide whether to pay a bill or buy food for our family. By the way Maslow is correct we will always meet our immediate most pressing physical needs first and food is the most basic need, after perhaps air, but air is still free! We've never had a healthy savings account, as a matter of fact our savings always looks rather anemic and emaciated, even when we were in the process of bringing Max home the money would leave the account as quickly as it appeared, but God provided and I can look back and see much of what He did and some of the miracles but possibly the greatest miracle of all was how natural most of the money came and went through us, like a sieve, God filtered the provision through us but we hardly knew it was there. When the need arose God provided. This week we had a new huge need, we also are finalizing the adoption and paying attorney fees and home study fees and court fees.

When we found out how much was necessary my heart sank. I went back to my devotion and reread the words of Spurgeon, based on Deut. 32:10 that God has a plan in affliction, that He is doing something to draw us closer to Him or perhaps just to show His Glory. He provided for the need mightily and decisively. I immediately realized that this need that came out of no where and was most unexpected revealed something greater to me. I have been worried and struggling over these final costs of the adoption. Believing in theory that God would provide, but humanly wondering how. Lightening fast He threw out an obstacle and lightening fast He removed it. We didn't have the means to do it ourselves any more than we have the means to come up with the remaining funds and any more than we had the means to pay thousands of dollars to bring Max home, but He does. When we look back on our adoption I can never say I did anything, or that we did anything to work it out. It's super easy to say "God did it, we give Him the glory" but in my humanity, had I been able to provide anything for our adoption, I would have been and still might be tempted to think "but I did a little of it". I did nothing then and I am able to do nothing now. I was convicted and humbled by His show of mercy and provision. I am so grateful to Him for pushing me down into my chair and saying "watch this" figuratively of course!

I can look back and honestly know that God did have a purpose in our painfully long wait for Max, just as He had a plan to provide the resources, He knew what He was doing and if we walk this road again my faith will be stronger. The wait may not be easier, the road may not be shorter, but the knowledge of what's on the other side has strengthened me. The knowledge that there is a beautiful child there, the knowledge that God is faithful is there and mostly being closer to Him is there.

This week has stirred up a lot in me, reminders of pain and hurt, reminders and displays of God's grace, reminders and displays of His provision, but mostly He has reminded me that He is wholly in charge and my faith doesn't lie in agency timelines, savings accounts or things, my faith lies in Him and Him alone.

Lessons in Obedience and Life

As I'm typing this post my favorite 4 year old is sitting on the floor next to me in a kind of "time out" or "time in" or something. There are days when there's just a glint in his eyes and I know we are going to struggle. He is refusing a simple request, just refusing, no real reason, it's not a hard thing to do or scary and won't even take any time but when I asked him to do this thing he laid his head on my shoulder and stuck his thumb in his mouth...an obvious "I'm not interested in complying" posture. So onto the floor he went, actually I asked him a couple more times and was completely ignored, to sit until he complied. Thankfully he understands most of what we say to him because when I asked him to do this again he just looked at me so I told him he wasn't getting up until he complies and that I didn't mind if he sat there all day. He spoke! "Nooooo" I replied "all you have do is... and then you can get up". He thought for a few minutes and proceeded to obey, after obeying he was swooped up and loved on and praised and maybe now the day will march on better, maybe not, oh well.

Overall I would have to say that Max is compliant he seeks to please and does what he is told, but there are those moments when he just flat out refuses. I guess I can understand that I have moments when I want to refuse to do what I know I need to do or should do, I like to think that I don't just lay my head down, in effect telling God "no", but as human and sinful as I am I'm sure I do that at times too. When I do I know that God deals with me, just as Veldon and I deal with Max. I asked him to do something the other day, he looked at me, studied me and the situation for a few seconds (I could almost see the wheels turning), I asked him to do it again, he continued to look at me and look around and then did what I had asked him to do. Later someone commented that it was obvious he was a boy who had lost a few battles. I was so glad to hear that, Max is learning what we, and me specifically, are all about. It doesn't stop him from defying us at times, but he does know that defiance will be met, not with a laugh or excuses but with discipline and that obedience is expected. I think we are parenting Max very much like we did the older kids, but most definitely with more patience, and although they are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and they have their moments of disobedience I don't believe they ever wonder if their disobedience will be dealt with. I'm sure there are instances that they hope we never become aware of and I'm sure there are things we miss, but I have to believe (hope) that those events are few and far between. Hayden confessed to me, at the end of the school day yesterday that he had gotten in trouble with his assistant, he proceeded to assure me it was no "big deal" a phrase that often is a red flag for me! I found the assistant and she agreed it was fairly minor but needed to be addressed. I was so proud of him for confessing to me, he didn't have to, I likely would have never found out but he still felt the need to let me know. It probably seems strange to relate obedience my children confessing to me and sharing their lives, but I believe it works together. I think they are secure with us and how we deal with life and that gives them the freedom to tell us about their lives the good the bad and all the in between, and they do! My girls share their conversations with friends with me, they share their struggles and their dreams, they seek our advice and sometimes even take it! at times I know they don't think I'm listening, but I am, I know when to tune out and when to tune in, and I am so thankful for every word that pours out of their mouths. Well, talk about chasing a rabbit....

Max is growing and changing every day. He asked me the other day "where I got my socks" after I told him I wasn't sure he said "shopping or Target?". A friend pointed out that it might amaze Max to go to the store and be able to get whatever you want. Maybe it does amaze him, but I think he is just putting pieces together in his mind. His mind, and his hands btw, are always moving and working. He is always thinking about what is going on around him, he notices everything and files it away to pull out later, he asks question after question, which is just about right for a little Tims and he is curious about the world.

I can't imagine a single day without this precious boy!

Home Study and the Home Stretch!

Yesterday we had the 2nd of our 3 post placement visits with our home study social worker, not to be confused with our WACAP Thailand social worker, or our Thai social worker or our WACAP Family Finders social worker, all of whom have had a part in our adoption. Cheryl came yesterday afternoon and stayed for about an hour. It was a nice visit, and since she has been with us from the beginning she knows up fairly well, for spending a few hours several times a year in our home, we enjoy updating her and catching up. Max was in rare form, showing off for the company, working his hardest to draw attention to himself and to be sure that the visitor saw how well he throws a ball and talking non-stop. He didn't misbehave for even a minute and although his behavior was a little out of character for our fairly calm boy he played and chatted easily. Our next visit will be the end of November, we have it scheduled a little early in hopes that we can finalize this year, then we wait for an invite to the Thai embassy and go register his adoption with the Thai government. Although they encourage us to do this, technically we don't have to, everything will done in the U.S. and the registration is so that Max will be able to reclaim his Thai citizenship when he's an adult. I can't imagine that he will have any desire to do that, but who knows and I'm not sure we're ready to make that decision for him, we also are not ready or willing to put ourselves into financial strain over a trip to the Thai embassy, so I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But basically after the next post placement and then a court date the adoption is done! I can't believe it. A year ago we were hoping and praying that we would be presented for 1st approval quickly, we weren't. After Jan of this year, when we were finally presented, we hoped and prayed the the Article 16 would come quickly, it didn't. But now here we are on the cusp of finalization and our home study report's final sentence for this visit was that "this adoption has been successful." What great words to hear/read. Of course we know that anything can change, Max changes everyday, but he is loving and affectionate with us, he seeks us out when he is stressed he loves to be held and loved on. If we aren't touching him he is touching us, he looks in our eyes when he talks to us and seems to trust us. In two months hopefully I'll be blogging that we have a court date and things are about done!

4 Months!

Here's what you get when an adorable little boy is getting too tall for 3t and is still a little thin for 4t...he's sagging!





Here's a sweet boy who is a little too tired and a little grumpy!









He loves his big sister!



He got a little happier at intermission!


He looked away but since there really aren't a lot of pictures with me I thought I would add these!





Here's Allison singing at her recital. Max was such a good boy, he sat on Veldon's lap for the entire recital, about hour and a half, and barely made a sound. He just watched and listened...he loves music which works out well!

Look how beautiful Allison is!! God has blessed our children with talent and beauty, not just on the outside, they are turning into beautiful young adults with a passion for Christ!

Family

Today I was looking at our family's growth chart, on the panel next to the refrigerator, there are initials on that chart of people who aren't a part of our immediate family, friends of the kids, aunts, uncles, cousins, all measured on our wall. It's kind of a reflection of the activity and the people in and out of our home. Every time I look at it I smile to see where we have been and to wonder at where we are going. The chart is in a most conspicuous place, not hidden from company or family. Every once in a while one of the kids will jump next to wall and insist on being measured. Generally I oblige them because I'm curious too. I'm about to start refusing to measure Katie though as she is already over an inch taller than me at the age of 12! Friends and family who see the chart generally stop to look and marvel at the growth. As I mentioned the chart is in plain view and it occurs to me that it is kind of indicative of our home. The fact that a large family lives in this house is in plain view, not because of family pictures, although there are a few we don't have tons adorning the walls, not that I don't love family pictures but...well that's a whole other blog, but because of all the stuff out for everyone to see. There are school books in the dinning room, along with book bags and pencils there are indentations all over the table because everyone, seemingly, refuses to write on a folder to save the table. We have a video game, including drums, sitting in the living room and blankets are generally not in the lovely basket they are assigned to. Our home isn't a show place, it's clean but rarely neat and tidy. At times I get frustrated with amount of stuff in our house. I get frustrated, okay really annoyed, when I trip over a toy or step on a pencil, but it's a home and a family lives here and children are everywhere. I want my home to be warm and inviting to people, but mostly I want my family to feel peace here. I want our home to be about our kids, our family, I want them to make their mark, and believe me they are!

One day in the future our house will be quiet and everything will be where it belongs. The growth chart will be stagnant, the video games will be put away and a family will have grown up in our home, but it won't be the same. So for right now I will enjoy the mess, the clutter, the constant activity...at least I'll try to because I know it's only for a season.

So for those who might stop by my house just remember a family lives within these walls!

Changes

I am not really great at blogging. I have very little consistency in keeping it updated, I find it hard to squeeze in the time I need to sit down and write a whole post and sometimes I have little to say. Not much is going on these with our immediate family, but at church there are all sorts of changes taking place. One of the really big ones is that in 1 week from tomorrow my sweet husband is launching a modern service. He has been working with a band for several weeks now and things are coming together. He is very excited and stressed beyond belief. There's a part of him that believes he is too old to be cool, actually I think he's more nervous that others think he's too old to be cool, but he's not. He understands music, he listens to the same music our kids and their friends listen to and he has the maturity necessary to lead our church in this direction. As much as they are trying to bring a new musical language to the church, for those who speak a different musical language, the most important thing is that the music still be theologically sound. That means that songs still won't be chosen and used based solely on how they sound but rather what they say and then how they sound. Veldon has a degree in music and his seminary degree was theologically based, so that's the best of two worlds. He also won't get caught up in the pressure to please everyone, although at this point he's beginning to feel as if he won't please anyone! He understands worship well enough to know it's not a concert and the point isn't to make everyone feel good. I'm very excited about the changes that are coming. I excited to look back on this in six months and to see what God has done in our church and with our music program. Everyone won't be pleased, everyone never is, but if God is glorified and honored then Veldon has done the right thing!

On the home front, Max is growing and changing everyday. His language is developing, not as quickly as it was I think, but I believe more is going on inside his head now. He's working to put thoughts together and to really express himself. He has decidedly confused "don't" and "can't" so when he doesn't like something he says "I can't like it" it is hysterical, and although we probably ought to correct him, it's just too cute to fix. He is assertive with his desires and even, at times, talks backs and argues. Those are all normal behaviors and as he relaxes in our home we expect those kinds of normal things to increase. One area Max struggles with is boundaries, in every area. He touches and moves and changes things all the time. He has no sense of "maybe I shouldn't be doing this...since Mommy and Daddy have said not to like 1,000 times" he just does what he wants and acts surprised by the consequences. I guess that's impulse control, and we are working on it. For a 4 1/2 year old his is low for a 2 1/2 - 3 year old it would be about right and since we know he has some developmental delays from being institutionalized I can't expect much more from him. He sleeps well, eats well, sloooooowly, but well, he generally obeys and is a joy in our home. I cannot even fathom how well things have gone. He has never once thrown a tantrum, he has cried to be sure and pouted and even acted angry, but he has never had a throw down tantrum. He has not really destroyed anything that I can think of. He knocks before he enters bedrooms and he seems to be happy in our home. I worry that things are going too well, not really, but I am overwhelmed with his adjustment so far. At times I think about the future and wonder if we will walk this road again, 4 kids is a lot and I'm tired and we waited a long time for him so I don't know. Selfishly I don't know because I can't imagine another child coming home so smoothly. He has been the perfect child for our home, he has been a dream adoption and I don't just say that because I'm smitten with him. He is amazing and I fear that we, in our humanity, would be terribly hard on another child who might not come into our home so easily.

Well, we'll let the future worry about itself and we'll just walk the road we're on right now. We sent all of our paperwork to our attorney this week to begin finalizing! That's exciting for us. Now to just come up with funds...it seems the financial end of adoption is never ending!

Baking

Allison had a bake sale at school on Wednesday so on Tuesday Max and I tied on our aprons and got to baking. Of course his apron fit him a little differently than mine! He was so excited to help and did exactly what I asked him to do. He's so eager to help and learn. He's calm and amazingly patient and best of all he discovered he loves cupcakes and cream cheese frosting! That night when we went to bed Max held my face between his little hands, thanked me for making a cake with him and kissed me...three times! He had the best time.

You'll have to excuse the back shots of the grown-up...it was the only way to get the shots of Max.

Most of these pictures were expertly taken by Allison and Katie!

Just Sweet Pictures

Shriners ~ Stunned!

Guess who went to Greenville, SC and remembered to take her camera...and...(here's the really important part)...use it!!!!!

That's right me! I had the camera in tow and pulled it out!

Here are Veldon and Max standing in front of the really big Shriner!

Oh and we got a Frappuccino from our favorite coffee shop...Max was sure it was his! He kept giving me dirty looks when I would take it and drink it.

Max and Veldon met a bronze statue...and we walked around Falls Park in downtown Greenville. A nice lady gave Max a piece of bread to feed the ducks, he was thrilled.












This is on the road outside the park, in case you can't tell it is a super huge root to a very large tree...Max loved it!

I love this face

yes, that's the kind of mother I am, I told Veldon to stay there so I could get some close-ups of his terrified face! He just looks miserable doesn't he! We were only there for a few seconds so I'm sure no permanent damage was done.




Walking into the park on Daddy's shoulders. He's not afraid of that any more.

So now that you have seen our day I'll share the really interesting parts. We spent 5 hours at Shriners, most of it waiting in a small room, to be told that they didn't see any need for further surgeries...at this point!

What?

No surgeries on his arm and hand or his other arm?

We were dumb struck...literally we probably looked like the stupidest people ever because Veldon and I just sat there and said nothing. Except I might have said something like are you sure, no surgeries? They were sure.

They made a splint for him to sleep in to keep the left hand from curving back toward the arm and they'll see us again in 6 months.

When we got to Chick-Fil-A for dinner I had tons of questions, but no doctor to answer them. Why did the orphanage say they were planning another surgery?

What surgery would the orphanage have done?

Can't his arm be lengthened any? (I don't think I'll ever ask that one, it sounds really dumb now that I think about it!)

We've been planning on lots and lots of surgeries for the past 2 1/2 years, can you tell us what to do now? (Okay wouldn't ask that either!)

Obviously, we are thrilled for Max. We are thrilled not to have to watch him go through pain, but we are still stunned. There are some urological and growth issues that need to be addressed and are being addressed right now, so we'll focus on those and maybe God will spare him from surgery there too!

Thanks for praying with us and for us, our prayers have been answered in a most unexpected way!