Growing into a Family

Wow ~ Has it really been a week since I last updated my blog? I need to be more consistent or I will forget all these wonderful moments we are having with Max.

There aren't a lot of great interesting stories to tell about my sweet boy this week. He is bonding with his siblings...if driving them crazy is a form of bonding, which I think it is! He is acutely aware of the world around him and watches everything. He knows Katie is the next above him and chooses to never, ever, ever do anything she says, as a matter of fact he will often do the exact opposite just to let her know he knows she's not as old as the others. He wants to figure it all out! He points to every brick church we pass by and says "Glenda", our church secretary and one of his all time favorite people, and when Veldon leaves for work Max runs around saying Daddy go "la la la". He's making connections and applying what he is learning. He is practicing English and working hard to be understood. He copies everything we say, I mean everything, so we have to be very, very careful and some of his English words sound a little iffy so we work on those most ardently!

One of the best things I'm seeing is his connection to us, his family. Not in an annoying younger brother way, but in a "I am a part of these people" way. Max watches me to see how I react to situations and people. He mimics emotions I display. If I am worried or upset he is unsettled, if I laugh off a situation he will too, generally. He is looking to us, and me specifically because most of his time is spent with me, for how to relate to the world around him. That is a huge trust step. For him to look to us and trust our emotions means he is attaching to us. Attachment isn't something that happens in a moment, or a day or a month, not even with an infant. It's a process of creating trust through having one's needs met and being protected. Max has been with Veldon or me constantly since the moment we picked him up. He sleeps with us, sits with us, watches TV with us and goes wherever we go. Constant interaction is very, very necessary for orphans, they need to see the parent/s as the one/s who provide all that is good and safe. They need to feel safe when they sleep, when they eat and when they are in a new situation. The only way to accomplish this is through saturation. The old "quality time is better than quantity" is bunk. Kids, and especially orphans, need lots and lots of time. We've spent tons and tons of time with Max and we will spend a lot more. I'm not sharing any of this to toot my own horn, more to reflect on what we have been doing and the joy of seeing him respond. The joy of having influence on him. He wants to please us, he seeks to do what we want. He's a child and acts like it, don't get me wrong, but he really is striving to figure out what we want and do it. We decided when we chose to adopt that we would deal with bonding and issues head on. Just like our biological children. We decided that we would make them obey us when they were young, no matter how much work it was, so that when they were older they would obey, we would have influence. Our older kids make mistakes and make poor choices, but there's never a moment when I fear they don't care what we think. I've never wondered what we were going to do or how we were going to get them in line. The boundaries were created years ago and they are still strong. The same idea is true for Max, the foundation is being laid for trust and influence with every moment we spend with him. Every time he rolls over and feels us sleeping next to him, every time he cries and is carried, every time he requires discipline and then is immediately loved on to reassure him that we do in fact love him we are creating bonds and attachment that will reassure him that the world is safe and we are safe!

So although I really have no funny stories to share. I am so thrilled with the way our life is rolling along. I'm thrilled with the new normal we have settled in to. I'm so thankful God has brought Max home and I'm thankful God chose for others to love him before we did.