2 Weeks!

I think maybe exhaustion has set in for me. I'm sleeping fine but not really getting back into the swing of things. It has been nice to basically stay at home all the time the past few days and to have my parents here helping. They went home today and we will all miss them! (My mom did leave a casserole for dinner which we were all grateful for!!) Max seems to be adjusting well. He adores his siblings and spends a great deal of time with Katie, she is always willing to pick him up and cart him around, play games or build things.

He is working hard to figure out how to communicate with us, and at times the frustration overwhelms him and he cries. I can't imagine how annoying it must be for him to spend all his time not understanding or being understood. By the end of the day he is exhausted and grumpy. The good news is he loves to sleep so when we put him to bed, even if he halfway protests, he falls asleep without much trouble. He likes to go outside for short periods, but I have to laugh that this boy came from Thailand and isn't fond of being out in the heat. Generally when we take him out for a bit, he decides rather quickly he would rather be inside. He just wipes his head with his hand and heads to the door. It's pretty cute. We were worried that he would freeze in the US, but so far so good. It seems he appreciates the a/c which definitely means he fits in! It is amazing to think that this is the same little boy who just 2 weeks ago led us all over his orphanage to meet the important people, bid his nannies good-bye in his mismatched outfit and cried himself to sleep the first night, begging to go back. I wondered tonight as I held him to go to sleep what he would think if he were to walk back into the orphanage today. Obviously, I have no way of knowing, but I hope he would not want to be there, if only because life in a home is so much better. Even if he doesn't understand mommy and daddy yet, which there's really no way he could, I hope that he would feel his life has vastly improved in the last fortnight.

We Skyped with Nicola, our sweet missionary friend in Thailand, yesterday. She asked him where he is and he answered "at home". That's so great. He knows he is home, he is frustrated and tired but he is home. He seems to be connecting to us. Having been a social worker, parenting teacher, and mental health worker for children I have huge concerns about bonding. Children from institutions can really struggle to attach to other people. The ability to love comes directly from being loved. Those kids who don't receive a sufficient amount of love will struggle with trust and attachment. Of course there is always hope, God is always sufficient, but an unattached child, or one who is not strongly attached needs an extra amount of work. We can't say right now, but Max seems to bond. He makes eye contact with us constantly. He looks at me when I feed him, although I don't feed him all his food I do feed him often to show him that we, his parents, provide for all of his needs. When I leave the room he typically calls me and wants to come too, the same is not true in the reverse he can leave without me. This is quite typical of an attached child, the "leash" from mother to child is held by the child. The child feels free to leave but not be left. If I left all the time and he did not notice it would be something we would need to work on.

He doesn't seem to be angry either, frustrated with the language barrier, but not angry. That might change of course, but so far he wakes up happy, and throws very few fits. He is as stubborn as the day is long to be sure! He has no real desire to sit on the potty and do his business. Often times he will whine and point to his diaper. Of course that would be easier for him, but there's no way I'm going to continue to change a 4 year old's diaper. Luckily he does prefer to go "#2" on the pot...(I know TMI), but I consider it a great blessing and had to share. Yesterday he got a Pez every time he did his business on the potty, today he did it and turned the Pez down a few times, tonight he sat on the potty for a very long time pointing to his diaper and telling me "mai" which of course means no. He wanted the diaper not the potty. Don't think he doesn't understand either because when we say "potty" in English he either starts to fuss or starts to head to the bathroom.) He finally went tonight and there was great rejoicing in the house...and he got to flush which seems to be a big deal. The thing for me is if he's smart enough to want the diaper on for ease, he's smart enough to use the potty!

As one would expect from any orphan there are delays. He asserts his will more like a 2 year old than a 4 year old. His attention span is rather short right and he has fairly low frustration tolerance. All of these things are normal and as Max lives at home and grows he will begin to and continue to catch up, but it's very important that although his birth and physical ages are 4 his developmental age is much lower. The fact that he is small should help others to not be as hard on him as they could be. I'm so very pleased with where he is. One of my favorite things to do is study, study theology, culture, people, adoption...whatever. I love to learn and right now I am enjoying learning about my son. I enjoy speculating as to where he might be developmentally in different areas. I've read Thai growth charts on-line over and over to see where his height and weight are. He's a little small even for a Thai, but he's on target. Obviously there aren't developmental charts on line, but I'm guessing anyway. The better I try to understand him the more I can help him begin to catch up. It would do him no good at all for me to decide his age is 4 and treat him as such, we would be frustrated beyond belief and it would certainly create a less strong bond between us.

Well, this has been rather philosophical. That's were I am right now though...oh and exhausted which makes everything I just said seem so much harder! He is a wonderful precious child and although there will be bumps on this journey I am so grateful to our God that He has chosen me to mother this child!