Waiting

Nobody likes to wait, it's not something we are prone to enjoy. We live in a hedonistic society. We have been programmed by mass marketing to get whatever we need, want, or think we might want at some time, right away. We don't wait for furniture to wear out before we throw it in the trash for the updated/upgraded newest style. The same is true of most everything else. Waiting is the opposite of what any of us want. So as we wait for our little boy I wonder about it all because like anyone I HATE to wait. That being said my goal since we started this has been that God would be glorified through this process. That our lives would never become about our adoption but about our obedience to Him who has called us to this. I don't believe that as I am walking through the process I can accurately or objectively evaluate my progress. I hope that I am never too absorbed with myself to see how God is moving, or to glorify Him. Of course, there are really bad days when we get terrible news or find out that waits are longer. I cry, and I hurt and then I worry that I am being unfaithful to God. I just don't know. I shared with my friend that I wish I could be more like Job, he was so good through the terrible trials of his life. She said Job was human and he probably cried, he felt all the emotions that we all feel. He hurt deeply, he struggled with his loss, and he wondered at what was going on. She then suggested I read through Job. Job is a really, really long book full of a lot of monologues. I decided, as any good American who struggles with waiting would, to read the parts I like first. I love Job's fourth friend. Actually, you can't really even call him a friend. He was much younger than Job and he is never identified as a friend. He was really more an observer, a younger man sitting with the older men, listening for wisdom but remaining silent until he could be silent no more. He rebukes Job, not for any sin that brought on this calamity but rather for believing that he (Job) was blameless, and for focusing on his own virtues rather than those of God. Elihu exalts the greatness of God. He tells Job that we are sinful and therefore deserving of any judgment God sends our way. His rebuke of Job is harsh and his passion for defending the name of God great. He turns everything around and points it all to God. It's a beautiful group of chapters. We must assume that Elihu is right in what he says because after God has spoken for Himself and puts Job in his place he rebukes Job's three friends. God then requires that Job offer a sacrifice on his friends behalf for their sinful behavior. Elihu is not mentioned in God's rebuke. What a true friend he turned out to be. Which leads me to wonder; during the great trials of our lives are we licking our wounds or watching our God? Are we just questioning what the heck is going on and why God is picking on me...(I've never had those thoughts of course) or are we looking for God in the storm? I must believe that God would have never pointed Job out to "The Accuser" had he not known that Job's faith was great. His devotion to God was true and right. God knew that Job would stand the test. As we are enduring a great test, nothing like Job's mind you, I trust that God knows that we will stand, we will remain faithful to His call and we will remain obedient. God won't make the wait one day longer than we can endure, not based on our love for our future son, but based on the depth of our faith. He won't test us beyond the breaking point of our faith. Abraham was tested when he was led to sacrifice Isaac, the test wasn't for God but for Abraham. Abraham knew, after this test, that he would withhold nothing from God. His faith was so strong, he was so convinced of God's covenant with him that he believed that God would raise Isaac from the dead...after all he was the child of promise! That's incredible faith, after all Abraham had never seen anyone raised from the dead...that I can think of.

There's really nothing profound in all that I have said, but if God never tested us we would never know the depth of our own faith. If God gave us an "easy button" (as I have often wished for) how would our faith be strengthened? We have been asked to endure much with this adoption. Our sweet boy has had two surgeries without us. We didn't know for months, not days or weeks...months, if we would even be able to adopt him. During that wait we didn't know if another family would snatch him up...he is so adorable. All we could do was trust God through those months, if this was God's will then this sweet boy would be our son...period. We've been given bad time lines and inaccurate information, we've been in the dark more than in the light. But all the while God has remained faithful. He has surrounded us with family, good friends, and a church family, specifically a choir and SS class, who are holding our hands and praying for us. Encouragement comes nearly everyday from expected and unexpected sources. We are so grateful. Had we not already waited 14 months, with many more ahead, we would have missed so much. We would have missed the encouragement, and the prayers. We would have missed the faithful giving us strength when ours grows weak.

I'm so excited to race to Thailand and snatch up our precious boy, but over the last 72 hours I'm also grateful for a little bit more perspective. So I will remain strong. (If I blow it once or twice He's faithful to forgive.) I refuse to mope or lick my wounds. I can't manipulate God or make His time change all I can do is my best to glorify Him always!