Yesterday launched us officially into the last leg of our journey to make Max our son. We completed our third and final home study. It was rather uneventful, Cheryl came to the house as usual and Max and the rest of the family answered her questions and shared about life for the last 6 months with our newest boy. Max charmed her with his sweet, sweet personality and with his smarts. He talked to her a lot, played the guitar for her, sang and played ball. He can throw a football in a spiral...it's pretty impressive! He asked her several questions about what she was doing and what she was writing about him. He absolutely knew and understood she was there to talk about him. He told her a little about Thailand and seeing the elephants play soccer and fight (at the elephant exhibit and show we went to). He danced, which is hysterically funny because it looks like a cross between soft shoe and some sort of hillbilly shoulder dance. I can't imagine how he came up with it but it's priceless. Cheryl was thrilled to actually hear him talk and count, and say his ABCs and point to colors and name them. He really turned it on, but I was grateful. It was one time that it was all right to make himself the center of attention when company was over.
In three weeks from tomorrow we are scheduled to finalize in court. Today I went back over some old emails from our agency, I was looking for some specific information, but came across the email we got a few weeks after we started working to adopt him, when it looked like we might not be able to adopt him...I felt all those raw feelings of loss and disappointment. We hadn't been working towards him for very long, but my heart was set and I couldn't help but hurt. There were other circumstances that added to the hurt and all of that came flooding back. We went for 2 months not knowing for sure what would happen and spending a lot of time praying and waiting for the home study to be wrapped up. By the time the home study was done Veldon had decided that no matter what we would move forward with Tankhun. Our social worker encouraged us to apply for grants and wait a few more weeks to see what the agency would decide. I reread the email Kate sent to me telling me that a grant had been awarded to Tankhun and the hold papers were on their way. We waited 3 long months before being able to move forward to bring him home. We had no idea that 3 months would seem short and insignificant in comparison to the final wait! But still all the stress of the those months and relief we felt knowing he was on hold for us is indescribable.
In the months ~ years ~ we waited for Max so very much happened. Our faith was stretched beyond belief and at times I was sure I lost mine. Why would God allow our little boy to wait and wait and wait when our family was ready and willing to bring him home? I am sure that we are not to question God and I am sure that many more faithful than I don't, but in those long dark months my heart and my mind argued a lot. My logic and my mind understood God had a plan, that His ways are good and right, but my heart was breaking for a little boy who needed to come home. I still have no answers about the wait, but I know that we made it, that God brought us through and although some would say that we didn't handle it well I believe that we did what we could to bring Him Glory through the process. Life is hard, circumstances are difficult but God is faithful to us and to His purposes. We were told we were on the wrong road. People asked if the child really even existed if maybe it was all a fraud...so many strange and thoughtless things were said to us. But even through all of the that we didn't question our commitment to the process...not really. At times I would cry and tell God I would wait 1 more month, or 2 or 3 or whatever number was in my head on that day, but of course how could I quit? How could we walk away because it was too hard on us? How could we leave a beautiful little boy over there to start over and wait longer? In the final analysis, obviously, it didn't matter how long we would wait, we would do it!
If we walk this road again I think there's every chance we would look at Thailand. There might be seemingly easier roads, but in the end there are no guarantees, just a sovereign God who does as He pleases and is always right and always good and always working in our lives for His own purposes and glory!
Amazingly we will complete this journey with Tankhun...Maxwell Calvin T.....3 years and about 8 days to the day of our first seeing his beautiful picture. Of the 3 year process I can say with absolute certainty that the last 6 months have been the very best!!!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thanksgiving Travel
Last week was a whirlwind of activity before we left for Max's great adventure. We finished school, the older kids worked late into Tuesday and Wednesday evenings to be finished with Thursday's and Friday's work and be home free for travel. We loaded up the van Thursday morning in our new/old mini-van and hit the road for Russellville, AR the first leg of our great tour. Max did so amazingly well I couldn't believe it! He is not much of a complainer and just generally goes with whatever is going on around him. I am sure that is part of the residual of life in an institution...lack of control. We ate McDonald's for lunch, which he loved the rest of us kind of endured, and then for dinner we were determined to find a Wendy's. We exited and drove past a McDonald's, with Max yelling "there it is I found it", but couldn't find a Wendy's. We got back on the interstate to go to the next exit and got caught in traffic...more like a parking lot. It took us 45 minutes to go about 12 miles. By the time we were caught Max was telling us how hungry he was. We were hungry too! "I huuungry momma". It was very sad, of course he wasn't starving to death but I was sad to make him wait. From the very back of the van Katie yells "let's just stop at McDonald's" REALLY Katie!!! Aren't you the one who protested McDonald's at the last exit? It would have been nice to know that 20 minutes ago! Of course her response was "I'm really hungry now!" I couldn't fault her too much although I could be rather annoyed.
We finally stopped and ate...at McDonald's...Max was thrilled! He kept cheering and saying "you did it Daddy, you found it!". It was super sweet. We rolled into the hotel a mere 10 1/2 hours after leaving Canton and were grateful to get out of the car. Of course the old adage "out of the frying pan into the fire" might have worked here because I think we all actually had more room in the van than we did in the hotel, plus we had to stick Emma in a bag and sneak her in. I know that's probably wrong to break the hotel rules by bringing in a dog, but she's small and quiet and couldn't very well sleep in the van. Max was so interested in Emma being in a bag he couldn't stop talking about it.
We drove the final leg of the first part of our trip on Friday and got to Chickasha in the early afternoon. As we pulled up to the house all of Max's questions were answered he finally understood we were actually driving to a real house to see Grandma and Grandpa. As Max generally is, he was a tiny reserved for the first few minutes and then he relaxed and started having a great time. He met his Uncle Steve and his family and had a great time throwing the ball around with his cousins. He played hard and fell asleep rather easily when bedtime came.
Sat and Sun were good days. We went shopping and played ball, watched movies and went to church. We visited the church Veldon's dad pastored for years and heard the new preacher, he was good, but he's no Johnny! Max sat on Grandpa's lap for part of the service and then made his way back to his Daddy. It brought tears to my eyes seeing my brown boy being loved on by his extended family. He adores both sets of grandparents and I can't wait for him to meet Aunt Jill on Tuesday.
As we are still in our first year of Max being home it's so easy to reflect back to what was going on a year ago as we waited. Last Thanksgiving was bitter sweet, we had a referral but were waiting on the Article 16, praying and hoping it would come the first part of Dec., of course it didn't come for 4 more months...had I known that at the time I would have been devastated. I remember to previous 2 Christmases and how much I love being with my family with nothing else going on, but how sad I was not to have our little boy home. For much of the wait for Max I guarded my heart. I wanted him home, loved him as much as I could from a far and grieved for the time we were missing, but for over a year I wouldn't call him by the American name we had chosen, nor would I decorate or prepare a room for him. I went back and forth on having his picture on my laptop as wallpaper, I didn't have a lot of pictures of him around the house. I didn't want a lot of reminders of him, I didn't want my heart to wrench all day everyday. I don't want to be dramatic or whine, but our life has seen it's share of heartache and disappointment, certainly not as much as some and possibly more than others, so I wasn't prepared to give my heart away to this child from the gate. We decided to walk through the process and be grateful for each day that brought us closer to having another son. By the time we had waited for our referral for almost 10 months I began to let my guard down and call him Max. Our SW had met with the Thai SW who assured her that everything was fine and all we had to do was wait. From there we were much more hopeful, albeit frustrated at an infuriating process, but we believed Max would eventually come home.
Now six months later we are home safe and sound. We are scheduled to finalize and things seem to be moving along nicely. By the end of the week Max will have met nearly everyone in our family and will be more firmly connected to his world. Next month he is being evaluated for Kindergarten. Part of me wants to give him another year to adjust and just be, but he is so very smart...at least we think he is, and he seems so interested in learning that I hate to hold him back if he would be bored with another year in preschool. These are hard decisions for parents to make. I struggled for months as to whether or not to send Allison to K when she was five, she was a young five and I wondered if she needed another year, she couldn't even spell her name! But the decision to send her was right, she is smart and does great in school. We'll just trust that we'll make the right decision for Max.
I am overwhelmed for all God has done for us and given us with our precious son. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to walk the road of orphan adoption and so amazed by the way God has provided for us every step of the way. We could not have imagined a year ago how wonderfully blessed we would be by this sweet, beautiful boy!
We finally stopped and ate...at McDonald's...Max was thrilled! He kept cheering and saying "you did it Daddy, you found it!". It was super sweet. We rolled into the hotel a mere 10 1/2 hours after leaving Canton and were grateful to get out of the car. Of course the old adage "out of the frying pan into the fire" might have worked here because I think we all actually had more room in the van than we did in the hotel, plus we had to stick Emma in a bag and sneak her in. I know that's probably wrong to break the hotel rules by bringing in a dog, but she's small and quiet and couldn't very well sleep in the van. Max was so interested in Emma being in a bag he couldn't stop talking about it.
We drove the final leg of the first part of our trip on Friday and got to Chickasha in the early afternoon. As we pulled up to the house all of Max's questions were answered he finally understood we were actually driving to a real house to see Grandma and Grandpa. As Max generally is, he was a tiny reserved for the first few minutes and then he relaxed and started having a great time. He met his Uncle Steve and his family and had a great time throwing the ball around with his cousins. He played hard and fell asleep rather easily when bedtime came.
Sat and Sun were good days. We went shopping and played ball, watched movies and went to church. We visited the church Veldon's dad pastored for years and heard the new preacher, he was good, but he's no Johnny! Max sat on Grandpa's lap for part of the service and then made his way back to his Daddy. It brought tears to my eyes seeing my brown boy being loved on by his extended family. He adores both sets of grandparents and I can't wait for him to meet Aunt Jill on Tuesday.
As we are still in our first year of Max being home it's so easy to reflect back to what was going on a year ago as we waited. Last Thanksgiving was bitter sweet, we had a referral but were waiting on the Article 16, praying and hoping it would come the first part of Dec., of course it didn't come for 4 more months...had I known that at the time I would have been devastated. I remember to previous 2 Christmases and how much I love being with my family with nothing else going on, but how sad I was not to have our little boy home. For much of the wait for Max I guarded my heart. I wanted him home, loved him as much as I could from a far and grieved for the time we were missing, but for over a year I wouldn't call him by the American name we had chosen, nor would I decorate or prepare a room for him. I went back and forth on having his picture on my laptop as wallpaper, I didn't have a lot of pictures of him around the house. I didn't want a lot of reminders of him, I didn't want my heart to wrench all day everyday. I don't want to be dramatic or whine, but our life has seen it's share of heartache and disappointment, certainly not as much as some and possibly more than others, so I wasn't prepared to give my heart away to this child from the gate. We decided to walk through the process and be grateful for each day that brought us closer to having another son. By the time we had waited for our referral for almost 10 months I began to let my guard down and call him Max. Our SW had met with the Thai SW who assured her that everything was fine and all we had to do was wait. From there we were much more hopeful, albeit frustrated at an infuriating process, but we believed Max would eventually come home.
Now six months later we are home safe and sound. We are scheduled to finalize and things seem to be moving along nicely. By the end of the week Max will have met nearly everyone in our family and will be more firmly connected to his world. Next month he is being evaluated for Kindergarten. Part of me wants to give him another year to adjust and just be, but he is so very smart...at least we think he is, and he seems so interested in learning that I hate to hold him back if he would be bored with another year in preschool. These are hard decisions for parents to make. I struggled for months as to whether or not to send Allison to K when she was five, she was a young five and I wondered if she needed another year, she couldn't even spell her name! But the decision to send her was right, she is smart and does great in school. We'll just trust that we'll make the right decision for Max.
I am overwhelmed for all God has done for us and given us with our precious son. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to walk the road of orphan adoption and so amazed by the way God has provided for us every step of the way. We could not have imagined a year ago how wonderfully blessed we would be by this sweet, beautiful boy!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Great Amercian Tour
Next week we leave on our first true trip with Max. We are driving first to Oklahoma and then to Texas for Thanksgiving...which happens to be one of my very most favorite holidays. I just love the ease of the day, the yummy food and the lack of pressure. I adore Christmas and what it represents but Christmas has become a competition, I'm sure I'm the only one who sees it that way, but this is my blog so these are my thoughts, everyone brags/competes (that's how I take it!) for the most trees or best decorations or to be the one who loves the holiday the most. I'm such a pain that when things like that start happening I tend to bow out. I'm not interested. Oh and I don't really care how many trees anyone has, put up 40, that's not really the point I am trying to make.
So back to my point! We are calling this Max's "Great American Tour" it would more accurately be called "The Great Southwest Tour", but that just doesn't have the same ring! He is going to meet family members he has not yet met and see the homes of his grandparents and aunts. I am very excited, my very best friend in the world is my big sister and she has talked to Max on the phone but hasn't met him...I'm ready! I love that when I talk to her he thinks I'm talking to Joel, because to a little Thai guy Joel and Jill sound very much the same. I think he's always surprised when it's a grown up girl on the phone! It will be a long, long drive 10 1/2 hours the first day and 5 on Friday then after a few days in OK we'll drive 3 hours down to TX and then after a few days we'll drive all the way home, 13 hours, in one day. I'm trying to prepare Max for the very long days but there's really no way to do that. He is super excited to eat in the car, which he has done on numerous occasions and generally complains, and to watch movies in the van. We're going to find out how things go next Thursday and Friday! We'll all survive, but I fear it will try the nerves of us all!
Last night Veldon and Max were playing ball and I thought I would snap a few shots. These aren't really natural because anytime you get a camera out those being shot really turn it on, but they are still cute and he was having a fun time.
As you can see Daddy was the hoop and the kitchen was the gym, it was cold and dark outside.
Next week Max gets the last of his growth hormone shots, we are seeing growth and change so we are hopeful, but if he requires more or a different course of action we are trusting God. He has a plan for the precious child...we just hope we don't screw it up in the meantime!!!
So back to my point! We are calling this Max's "Great American Tour" it would more accurately be called "The Great Southwest Tour", but that just doesn't have the same ring! He is going to meet family members he has not yet met and see the homes of his grandparents and aunts. I am very excited, my very best friend in the world is my big sister and she has talked to Max on the phone but hasn't met him...I'm ready! I love that when I talk to her he thinks I'm talking to Joel, because to a little Thai guy Joel and Jill sound very much the same. I think he's always surprised when it's a grown up girl on the phone! It will be a long, long drive 10 1/2 hours the first day and 5 on Friday then after a few days in OK we'll drive 3 hours down to TX and then after a few days we'll drive all the way home, 13 hours, in one day. I'm trying to prepare Max for the very long days but there's really no way to do that. He is super excited to eat in the car, which he has done on numerous occasions and generally complains, and to watch movies in the van. We're going to find out how things go next Thursday and Friday! We'll all survive, but I fear it will try the nerves of us all!
Last night Veldon and Max were playing ball and I thought I would snap a few shots. These aren't really natural because anytime you get a camera out those being shot really turn it on, but they are still cute and he was having a fun time.
As you can see Daddy was the hoop and the kitchen was the gym, it was cold and dark outside.
Next week Max gets the last of his growth hormone shots, we are seeing growth and change so we are hopeful, but if he requires more or a different course of action we are trusting God. He has a plan for the precious child...we just hope we don't screw it up in the meantime!!!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Orphan Sunday, Operation Christmas Child and Finalization
That's a lot for a title, but hopefully it will all be in here!
Last Sunday our church observed Orphan Sunday...I'm not really sure observed is the right word, celebrated certainly wouldn't be correct either, but the point is we put the spotlight on orphans and their needs. A couple families gave testimonies about adoption, the sermon was about adoption and how to care for orphans and Veldon sang a sweet song about bringing your child home. Kam made a video for the church and used the pictures of Max's homecoming for it. She did a great job and the church seemed to respond well to it. Max loved seeing himself on the big screen...of course who wouldn't? Well, actually me for one, since the pictures and video were of us coming off the plane after 24+hours of flying I looked like death, but other than that it was a super sweet video and I think it connected with the church because so many of them walked through the process with us, they prayed for us, cried with us and waited.
Here's the video
Last week while I was still in prayer and Veldon had started orchestra Kam got Max from Veldon and took him to our family life center to pack a box for Operation Christmas Child. She took several pictures of him packing the box and when I found them a few minutes later he was very excited to tell me all about it. We went to the flc for him to show me what he did. He then showed me the box and told me he wanted to take "his box". I explained that he was only packing the boxes but he doesn't get to keep one. He wanted to know why so I explained that the boxes are for kids with nothing and he has stuff now so he doesn't need a box. He seemed to accept this okay and we moved on. I posted the little story on Facebook this week and heard back from a missionary who works at Max's former orphanage. She said Max used to get a box every year for his birthday so he probably recognized it and was confused. I would normally think he wouldn't remember that but the boy doesn't seem to forget anything so I am guessing he recognizes that those boxes held good things and he liked getting them. How wonderfully sweet that Max no longer needs a box, he has everything he needs and when he needs something else he has parents to provide it for him. What a blessing for Max to have received those boxes and what an even bigger blessing that he will never need a box again! I am so grateful for Samaritan's Purse and their vision to give to kids in need.
Here are some pictures of him packing...
An lastly we got the official notice that we will finalize the adoption at 9:00am on Dec. 21st providing our agency and everyone else get's everything done. The agency assures me it won't be a problem so I am going to trust them. We are all so excited to see this chapter in our lives closed...of course there's the whole raising him thing now!!
Last Sunday our church observed Orphan Sunday...I'm not really sure observed is the right word, celebrated certainly wouldn't be correct either, but the point is we put the spotlight on orphans and their needs. A couple families gave testimonies about adoption, the sermon was about adoption and how to care for orphans and Veldon sang a sweet song about bringing your child home. Kam made a video for the church and used the pictures of Max's homecoming for it. She did a great job and the church seemed to respond well to it. Max loved seeing himself on the big screen...of course who wouldn't? Well, actually me for one, since the pictures and video were of us coming off the plane after 24+hours of flying I looked like death, but other than that it was a super sweet video and I think it connected with the church because so many of them walked through the process with us, they prayed for us, cried with us and waited.
Here's the video
Last week while I was still in prayer and Veldon had started orchestra Kam got Max from Veldon and took him to our family life center to pack a box for Operation Christmas Child. She took several pictures of him packing the box and when I found them a few minutes later he was very excited to tell me all about it. We went to the flc for him to show me what he did. He then showed me the box and told me he wanted to take "his box". I explained that he was only packing the boxes but he doesn't get to keep one. He wanted to know why so I explained that the boxes are for kids with nothing and he has stuff now so he doesn't need a box. He seemed to accept this okay and we moved on. I posted the little story on Facebook this week and heard back from a missionary who works at Max's former orphanage. She said Max used to get a box every year for his birthday so he probably recognized it and was confused. I would normally think he wouldn't remember that but the boy doesn't seem to forget anything so I am guessing he recognizes that those boxes held good things and he liked getting them. How wonderfully sweet that Max no longer needs a box, he has everything he needs and when he needs something else he has parents to provide it for him. What a blessing for Max to have received those boxes and what an even bigger blessing that he will never need a box again! I am so grateful for Samaritan's Purse and their vision to give to kids in need.
Here are some pictures of him packing...
An lastly we got the official notice that we will finalize the adoption at 9:00am on Dec. 21st providing our agency and everyone else get's everything done. The agency assures me it won't be a problem so I am going to trust them. We are all so excited to see this chapter in our lives closed...of course there's the whole raising him thing now!!
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