Theivery!!!

This week, on Wednesday morning, Max had a little Fall Festival at his preschool. They were allowed to dress up if they wanted to, costumes and Halloween aren't really my thing so Max didn't dress up and honestly I'm pretty sure he would not have known why he was dressed up so it was no big deal. Since Wednesday is the end of our going to school week I'm tired when we get home and generally don't get into Max's backpack until Thursday morning. This Thursday morning Max was going through the contents of his backpack as I was watching. He began to pull out something blue and red and as I watched him his face grew very somber. I realized it was a spider man costume and asked him where he got it. He said it was Samuel's, I asked why he had it, he replied "because I want it". I took the costume from him, explained he couldn't take other people's stuff, and sent an email to the teacher to ask if she knew why Max would have Samuel's costume, if a worker had made a mistake or if Max had taken it...well, of course I still haven't heard back from her. I struggle with knowing what is going through Max's mind, obviously, although he understands his world and is certainly fluent in English, there are things that are still difficult for him like past, present and future. He struggles with amounts, possession, emotions, etc. thus explaining why he has something from school proved to be difficult. Is he saying he wants it now that he has it? Could it be he wanted it and took it? Was it something Samuel said he would share with Max? (Doubtful on that one!) I was at a loss, but as I continued to query Max on the costume it became more and more clear that he had the costume because he wanted it. As he took his favorite jacket out of the backpack he told Allison "Samuel cannot have my jacket". It seemed to me that he thought Samuel might take his jacket because Max took his costume. So again, I told Max it was wrong to take other people's belongings.

As a consequence Max was not allowed to watch TV, namely Barney, for the remainer of the day or the next. I generally see myself more of natural and logical consequence parent, but there was no real logical consequence. He couldn't play with the costume, but he wouldn't have been to play with it if he hadn't stolen it either. I couldn't let Samuel steal something from Max, I'm not even really sure who this Samuel is and with the lack of response from the teacher I can't even email and apologize for my son's egregious behavior. So no Barney it was. I explained no Barney "today or tomorrow". He asked one time later that day and I reminded him he was being punished, he nodded and didn't ask again. I'm not really sure if he understood the time frame or if he decided to wait for Barney until it was offered. Either way he had no Barney and he knew it was for having the costume. Now if the teacher decides to email me and tell me they gave it to Max I'll have to figure out a way to apologize...I'm sure that will be easy to make clear. It was a hard decision but in the end we believe discipline it too important to put off on the chance he didn't steal it. At the very least it needs to be very clear to him that he shouldn't have other people's stuff.

Jill and I were talking about it today and she thought it might be left over behavior from the orphanage. I think she might be right. I'm sure that if Tankhun saw something in the orphanage he wanted he just took it and probably things that belonged to him were taken, I know they were because nearly everything we sent him was gone by the time we got there...the general opinion is that the workers take the kid's stuff...great example!

So today I explained to Max that on Monday the costume would be returned to Samuel and asked him what he would say to Samuel, his response? "thank you". My response *sigh* "No Max you will say sorry." Max ~ "Ooooh, sorry, okay". He's a sweet boy (with some impulse control issues!) and he's a sinner as every human before him but maybe he has learned a little lesson about stealing, maybe not. I think we'll be monitoring the backpack closely from now on!

Observations

This week another family was in Thailand picking up their 6 year old boy. The process has been very unsmooth (is that a word?) for them and it didn't end smoothly either. Thankfully it all ended well and they are flying home right now as I type. I'm thrilled for them, they were approved at the same board meeting we were approved at and are just now traveling. Their agency has been difficult to work with to say the least, but I also think the officials in Thailand made things difficult because the foster mom really wanted to keep the boy, which to me begs the question, why didn't she petition to adopt him? Maybe they aren't allowed to I don't know but to think she would rather this boy remain an orphan all his life and would likely remain in that institution his entire adult life as well makes me wonder. Is that really love? I think letting this boy go without a fight, and knowing that this family has the means and willingness to deal with his physical issues and that in America he won't be discriminated against for his disability and he has a future, it truly love. The ordeal is over for them now, they have six months and they can finalize and forget about this terrifying event, but sadly many other orphans remain in Thailand, stuck in orphanages because families and workers refuse to do what's best for the kids.

On a different note, strangely enough we are already beginning to think about next year and whether or not Max will start Kindergarten. It has always been my plan to hold him back for a year because I/we felt that he would likely need time to catch up, and although he is delayed in some areas he seems to be learning and changing so quickly that we now wonder if it might be best for him to start his formal education. Of course he will be at King's with the other kids so it's only in a classroom two days a week and then home for three days. Max is so smart, I know I'm his momma and he is special to me, but still he seems exceptional. He watches everything and notices everything. He stands back and observes before he jumps in, but the difference with him is he is observing, not oblivious to what's going on around him. He watches and learns from what he sees and then adjusts himself accordingly. The other day Allison asked if Barney could be turned off because she wanted to take a test. I suggested she wait for a little while, she didn't want to do that. Max, ever watching, went and turned off the TV and told Allison he was sorry it was bothering her. I'm not sure any of my other kids would have been that aware of the conversations and happenings around them at the age of 4. He is always thinking and his eyes have never been blank, even in the pictures we have of him from Thailand his eyes seemed so alert, of course I thought I was biased, but he is alert, he is aware and he is constantly processing. He engages with his world in a way we never expected. I am so curious to watch him grow and develop.

Faith

This week one of my Thailand adoption friends called to tell me that the child background/referral for their little boy had finally come. This is such great and welcome news for them, their paperwork went to Thailand a week before ours and their referral has come 12 1/2 months after ours! The whole process is crazy. Their little boy is older than Max he turns 7 next month and although they are so thrilled for their referral they, of course, grieve the time they have lost for unknown and likely unnecessary reasons. Our social worker told Danielle to plan on traveling about the time next year that we traveled this year, in the late spring. I hope and pray their final approval and article 16 comes more quickly than ours did, but she is wise enough to know it might take that long.

Danielle's call reminded me of the relief and joy I felt last year when we finally received the much needed paperwork and were sliding into the next, final steps necessary to bring Max home. It was so sweet because it gave me a break from the stress of wondering if "today would be our day", it also gave us some hope of a timeline. Our wait is nothing compared to Danielle's and I hurt for them. I can't imagine what another year in the process must have felt like, and with no other children to wait with, but God faithfully brought them through and the ball is rolling now.

I was reading the other day in my devotional and it happened to be about suffering and trials. It said "Dear believer, if you are in trouble, the voice of that trouble is designed to draw you nearer to God. God has favored you, favored you with an extraordinary means of growth of in grace. Believe that the deepest afflictions are always neighbors to the highest joys. The greatest possible privileges lie close to the darkest trials. The more bitter your sorrow, the louder your song in the end. Our afflictions are the highway that leads us closer to God." Veldon and I have spent much of our married life "in trouble/affliction" whether it was, or is, financial strain, lost babies, difficult churches to serve in, pastors (or their wives) who resented (hated) us, a 901 day wait for a son, or anything in between, we have known troubles and affliction and God has been faithful. Spurgeon is right, of course, those afflictions have drawn us closer to God, they have strengthened our faith in God. Who knows if those faith builders were necessary because our faith was so weak (likely) or if those faith builders worked because we were able to persevere (only because of the One who dwells in us), but whatever the reason the work of God works! God didn't and hasn't always met our needs the way we wanted Him to. I've said this before and will repeat myself again I'm sure, I tend to do that. But God hasn't always met our financial needs, we've never been truly hungry but we have certainly had to decide whether to pay a bill or buy food for our family. By the way Maslow is correct we will always meet our immediate most pressing physical needs first and food is the most basic need, after perhaps air, but air is still free! We've never had a healthy savings account, as a matter of fact our savings always looks rather anemic and emaciated, even when we were in the process of bringing Max home the money would leave the account as quickly as it appeared, but God provided and I can look back and see much of what He did and some of the miracles but possibly the greatest miracle of all was how natural most of the money came and went through us, like a sieve, God filtered the provision through us but we hardly knew it was there. When the need arose God provided. This week we had a new huge need, we also are finalizing the adoption and paying attorney fees and home study fees and court fees.

When we found out how much was necessary my heart sank. I went back to my devotion and reread the words of Spurgeon, based on Deut. 32:10 that God has a plan in affliction, that He is doing something to draw us closer to Him or perhaps just to show His Glory. He provided for the need mightily and decisively. I immediately realized that this need that came out of no where and was most unexpected revealed something greater to me. I have been worried and struggling over these final costs of the adoption. Believing in theory that God would provide, but humanly wondering how. Lightening fast He threw out an obstacle and lightening fast He removed it. We didn't have the means to do it ourselves any more than we have the means to come up with the remaining funds and any more than we had the means to pay thousands of dollars to bring Max home, but He does. When we look back on our adoption I can never say I did anything, or that we did anything to work it out. It's super easy to say "God did it, we give Him the glory" but in my humanity, had I been able to provide anything for our adoption, I would have been and still might be tempted to think "but I did a little of it". I did nothing then and I am able to do nothing now. I was convicted and humbled by His show of mercy and provision. I am so grateful to Him for pushing me down into my chair and saying "watch this" figuratively of course!

I can look back and honestly know that God did have a purpose in our painfully long wait for Max, just as He had a plan to provide the resources, He knew what He was doing and if we walk this road again my faith will be stronger. The wait may not be easier, the road may not be shorter, but the knowledge of what's on the other side has strengthened me. The knowledge that there is a beautiful child there, the knowledge that God is faithful is there and mostly being closer to Him is there.

This week has stirred up a lot in me, reminders of pain and hurt, reminders and displays of God's grace, reminders and displays of His provision, but mostly He has reminded me that He is wholly in charge and my faith doesn't lie in agency timelines, savings accounts or things, my faith lies in Him and Him alone.

Lessons in Obedience and Life

As I'm typing this post my favorite 4 year old is sitting on the floor next to me in a kind of "time out" or "time in" or something. There are days when there's just a glint in his eyes and I know we are going to struggle. He is refusing a simple request, just refusing, no real reason, it's not a hard thing to do or scary and won't even take any time but when I asked him to do this thing he laid his head on my shoulder and stuck his thumb in his mouth...an obvious "I'm not interested in complying" posture. So onto the floor he went, actually I asked him a couple more times and was completely ignored, to sit until he complied. Thankfully he understands most of what we say to him because when I asked him to do this again he just looked at me so I told him he wasn't getting up until he complies and that I didn't mind if he sat there all day. He spoke! "Nooooo" I replied "all you have do is... and then you can get up". He thought for a few minutes and proceeded to obey, after obeying he was swooped up and loved on and praised and maybe now the day will march on better, maybe not, oh well.

Overall I would have to say that Max is compliant he seeks to please and does what he is told, but there are those moments when he just flat out refuses. I guess I can understand that I have moments when I want to refuse to do what I know I need to do or should do, I like to think that I don't just lay my head down, in effect telling God "no", but as human and sinful as I am I'm sure I do that at times too. When I do I know that God deals with me, just as Veldon and I deal with Max. I asked him to do something the other day, he looked at me, studied me and the situation for a few seconds (I could almost see the wheels turning), I asked him to do it again, he continued to look at me and look around and then did what I had asked him to do. Later someone commented that it was obvious he was a boy who had lost a few battles. I was so glad to hear that, Max is learning what we, and me specifically, are all about. It doesn't stop him from defying us at times, but he does know that defiance will be met, not with a laugh or excuses but with discipline and that obedience is expected. I think we are parenting Max very much like we did the older kids, but most definitely with more patience, and although they are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and they have their moments of disobedience I don't believe they ever wonder if their disobedience will be dealt with. I'm sure there are instances that they hope we never become aware of and I'm sure there are things we miss, but I have to believe (hope) that those events are few and far between. Hayden confessed to me, at the end of the school day yesterday that he had gotten in trouble with his assistant, he proceeded to assure me it was no "big deal" a phrase that often is a red flag for me! I found the assistant and she agreed it was fairly minor but needed to be addressed. I was so proud of him for confessing to me, he didn't have to, I likely would have never found out but he still felt the need to let me know. It probably seems strange to relate obedience my children confessing to me and sharing their lives, but I believe it works together. I think they are secure with us and how we deal with life and that gives them the freedom to tell us about their lives the good the bad and all the in between, and they do! My girls share their conversations with friends with me, they share their struggles and their dreams, they seek our advice and sometimes even take it! at times I know they don't think I'm listening, but I am, I know when to tune out and when to tune in, and I am so thankful for every word that pours out of their mouths. Well, talk about chasing a rabbit....

Max is growing and changing every day. He asked me the other day "where I got my socks" after I told him I wasn't sure he said "shopping or Target?". A friend pointed out that it might amaze Max to go to the store and be able to get whatever you want. Maybe it does amaze him, but I think he is just putting pieces together in his mind. His mind, and his hands btw, are always moving and working. He is always thinking about what is going on around him, he notices everything and files it away to pull out later, he asks question after question, which is just about right for a little Tims and he is curious about the world.

I can't imagine a single day without this precious boy!

Home Study and the Home Stretch!

Yesterday we had the 2nd of our 3 post placement visits with our home study social worker, not to be confused with our WACAP Thailand social worker, or our Thai social worker or our WACAP Family Finders social worker, all of whom have had a part in our adoption. Cheryl came yesterday afternoon and stayed for about an hour. It was a nice visit, and since she has been with us from the beginning she knows up fairly well, for spending a few hours several times a year in our home, we enjoy updating her and catching up. Max was in rare form, showing off for the company, working his hardest to draw attention to himself and to be sure that the visitor saw how well he throws a ball and talking non-stop. He didn't misbehave for even a minute and although his behavior was a little out of character for our fairly calm boy he played and chatted easily. Our next visit will be the end of November, we have it scheduled a little early in hopes that we can finalize this year, then we wait for an invite to the Thai embassy and go register his adoption with the Thai government. Although they encourage us to do this, technically we don't have to, everything will done in the U.S. and the registration is so that Max will be able to reclaim his Thai citizenship when he's an adult. I can't imagine that he will have any desire to do that, but who knows and I'm not sure we're ready to make that decision for him, we also are not ready or willing to put ourselves into financial strain over a trip to the Thai embassy, so I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But basically after the next post placement and then a court date the adoption is done! I can't believe it. A year ago we were hoping and praying that we would be presented for 1st approval quickly, we weren't. After Jan of this year, when we were finally presented, we hoped and prayed the the Article 16 would come quickly, it didn't. But now here we are on the cusp of finalization and our home study report's final sentence for this visit was that "this adoption has been successful." What great words to hear/read. Of course we know that anything can change, Max changes everyday, but he is loving and affectionate with us, he seeks us out when he is stressed he loves to be held and loved on. If we aren't touching him he is touching us, he looks in our eyes when he talks to us and seems to trust us. In two months hopefully I'll be blogging that we have a court date and things are about done!

4 Months!

Here's what you get when an adorable little boy is getting too tall for 3t and is still a little thin for 4t...he's sagging!





Here's a sweet boy who is a little too tired and a little grumpy!









He loves his big sister!



He got a little happier at intermission!


He looked away but since there really aren't a lot of pictures with me I thought I would add these!





Here's Allison singing at her recital. Max was such a good boy, he sat on Veldon's lap for the entire recital, about hour and a half, and barely made a sound. He just watched and listened...he loves music which works out well!

Look how beautiful Allison is!! God has blessed our children with talent and beauty, not just on the outside, they are turning into beautiful young adults with a passion for Christ!