All Clear So Far....

Today we got a great call from our pediatrician. So far Max is all clear for any major issues...that is he is HIV neg., Hep B neg. and so far all his antibodies are high for what we vaccinate for (I know a preposition at the end of a sentence...yuk!!!). Way to go BFF the terrible orphanage, that is huge and doesn't care, did a great job on immunizing my boy...btw I don't really feel that way about his orphanage...completely but there are "better" orphanages but honestly my boy was well loved and his care seemed to be very good. The record keeping was for the birds but in the scheme of things he received very good care. There are still a few immunization titers that we are waiting on, but so far so good. We don't have any genetic results, of course, those take several weeks but I am happy for him, and us!

Monday I prayed we would hear from Shriner's that day...it was actually about 4:40 and I prayed quickly "please God don't make us wait another day I would love to hear something today" and then I kind of laughed at myself and went on. Veldon came home about 15 minutes later and gave me a letter...it was from Shriner's!!! Our Max's appointment is August 17!! Hooray, they are going to see him and God answered my quick prayer in a completely unexpected way I thought we would have received a call, but God is so much smarter than I...obviously. That would happen to be, of course, the second day of school but I'll just have to get a sub and go. I can't wait to have some answers about his arm and other ortho issues. He also has an appointment with another specialist in July and we will hopefully get an answer about some other issues that will likely require surgery...I hope not but in my limit medical experience I don't see how he could avoid it.

On the home front Max is doing so much better than I ever could hoped for or guessed. I know I keep saying that, but we are stunned and thrilled for him. The first night, we all know, he cried and cried and I held him and he fought me to get away. I held him tight and sang to him about our God and love and mocking birds. He couldn't understand a word but I sang anyway. He feel asleep exhausted and woke up later and cried again and Veldon held him and sang while Max fought to get away. The next few nights he didn't cry he just didn't want to be held, we held him anyway. He needed to learn that we are here always and that we are his comfort. He quickly learned to love to be held to go to sleep and we quickly learned "oom" means hold and when my boy says oom he's swept into our arms. Every night I lay down with him and he says "oom mommy" and I hold him and then he sings a little until I start singing and he sucks his thumb and rubs his ear and falls asleep rubbing me with his fingers. His greatest fears and grief were and are at night, like many orphans, and in his fear he pushed us away but we stayed and our reward is that he is growing to trust us and looks to us for comfort and to calm him down. I feel the calming on him when he snuggles into my arms whether in the recliner during the day or at night at bedtime, he needs us to hold him and make the world safe. I'm so glad that we bring him safety and comfort and calm.

I can't share every moment of everyday. I wish I could. I wish that everyone could walk this road and bring home an orphan. There are so many that need love...150,000,000 to be somewhat approximate. I wish everyone could hear him speaking English and giving his siblings high fives. I would love for everyone to watch his face light up with laughter at the dinner table or hear him say "aimen" at every meal. He is a great believer in prayer and asks us to pray several times a meal...he must be expecting great things! I love him more than I ever dreamed possible, true with every single one of my children, he is a Tims no doubt. He fits perfectly with our crazy family...and although I am tired and the days are a lot of work...I have to wonder if there's a Sophie out there looking for her mommy and daddy...don't mention that to Veldon!

Blood Balloon...Great Fear

Yesterday Max had a chest x-ray. He was so afraid but he survived...of course, and so did I!! Veldon wasn't with us in the room so it was just Max and me. I did my best to explain it wouldn't hurt in Thai. I wasn't sure he understood. He did because later he laughed and said "mai jeb" what I had been saying to him in the x-ray room. Anyway, today he had blood drawn and I couldn't say mai jeb. He was supposed to have it drawn yesterday, but one of us, mommy, freaked out and we didn't do it. The doctor sent us to Children's instead to steady our my nerves. So off to the hospital we went, after meeting again today with said doctor. I am so grateful for her, we've just been in the office a few times with Max, but she has read and studied and called every specialist on the planet to understand his needs and what to look for. She is very clearly taking over his medical direction and I am grateful!

At the hospital our sweet boy knew exactly what was going on. Even with the numbing cream applied and a 30 minute wait to insure it worked, he lost it. So did I!! Daddy was strong and held Max and talked to him. About 1/2 way through, taking most of the boy's blood, Veldon asked Max if he wanted a balloon. Our brown boy loves, loves, loves balloons. He immediately started talking about his balloon and then crying for his balloon. Obviously the first thing we did after they had drained the boy was to go to the gift store and buy a Spider Man balloon. He was so proud of it. He slept on the way home grasping the balloon in his right hand. He ran into the house yelling for Hayden to come see his balloon, both boys are Spider Man fans. Max recovered from his trauma quickly....I did not! I cried a good part of the way home and contemplated his near and distant future.

Since we have been home we've discovered more issues that Max will have to deal with. The doctor is also looking into some other issues that the blood work will reveal if they are present. It is such a great blow to find out that your child is going to suffer, we knew that going into this adoption, but now we know there will be more suffering and the chance he could have some life long struggles is killing me. It scares me to death to walk this road with him. I'm not afraid of the problems, I'm afraid to watch him suffer. If I could do anything in the world to save him from the path ahead of him I would do it. If I could walk the road instead of him I would, but I can't and I'm afraid. God is wonderful, great, incredible and of course I trust Him to usher all of us through this, but this is my sweet son who will suffer. This is my child who will cry, and struggle, and feel every needle prick and walk through the pain of every recovery. We will lean on God and trust Him, but the road ahead isn't going to be easy and I think I am a great coward!

So Max earned a "blood balloon" today, I know gross! He is a good boy. He is a strong boy and he will be fine in the end. He doesn't have a choice, so I will be fine too and when I feel the most afraid I will stand the strongest because "He is made great in our weakness"! But in my heart I have great fear for my boy.

3 Weeks

Today is our three week anniversary with Max! Although everyone, grown up that is, knows time moves quickly I am still amazed at how fast it is going! He is doing so well, I know I keep saying that but part of me is stunned. I keep waiting for things to change, maybe he will become angry and upset or maybe he will continue to accept his new life and completely settle in or maybe he'll fall somewhere in the middle...who knows but for now we are able to just enjoy life and enjoy him. Don't get me wrong it's still work. He is curious about everything which translates into being into everything. When we tell him "no" he always does whatever one more time maybe more. He still is bad about coming to us when we call him, sometimes even laughing and walking away like it's a big joke, but when we go get him he always complies and never gets upset. I know he understands we are asking him to come to us, I just don't think he realizes he is to do as he is told, we are working on that.

He went to the pediatrician yesterday for his first official check up and he has a long road ahead of him. Today we are getting chest x-rays and blood work, he will lose it on the blood work so we have to wait for daddy to get home and go with us after lunch because I can't hold him. He also has some specialists to go see and it seems quite clear he will need surgery. His left ankle isn't as flexible as his right and he will need PT at least for that as well as for his right arm. We applied to Shriner's this week and are hoping to hear something soon and have a consult this summer. I pray they can help his arm and other ortho issues.

I marvel that he is here. I can't believe that he is sitting on my lap looking at pictures of himself on the computer in the exact same place I have spent the last 31 months looking at pictures and videos of him. To some degree it seems he is making a distinction between his former life and new. When he sees pictures of himself in the orphanage he says "Tan" when he sees pictures of himself with us he says "Max", like they are two separate people, and I guess in some ways they are. His new life in no way resembles his old life, but at some point I suppose he's going to have to reconcile the two.

Here are some pictures of my sweet boy...





He's super cool wearing his big brother's hat!! It seems they have similar fashion taste.

Words of the Day...and so much more

Well, having been here over a week now Max is beginning to pick up on words and phrases at an amazing rate (of course I'm no language specialist, but I think he's brilliant!). He actually seems to have words or phrases of the day. A couple days ago he said "see you", all day over and over again, after bye bye...very cute "bye bye see you", in his sweet little Thai voice. Yesterday it was "I love you", although the v is decidedly missing "I loe you" it is still very cute, obviously he has no idea what it means but he runs around the house yelling it. Today has been "thank you". I'm not really sure he understands it but he is saying it over and over again. He wants so badly to communicate with the family and the world around him, he is trying hard and practicing.

We discovered the Wiggles this week. I registered for a Wiggles DVD but wasn't really sure about it. He LOVES them. He sings with the DVD, dances and does whatever they are doing on the TV. I love to watch him engage with his world, he is figuring out so, so much. He is like a sponge and once he sees something he doesn't forget, he pretty much has the kitchen down and knows where all the low items go. He knows the silverware and is trying to learn the English for all of it. He helps unload the dishwasher and is very interested in cooking and watching food be cooked. He just repeats "hot" "hot", he is so proud of himself. This morning he got up and said "gin" (eat) then paused for several seconds and very deliberately said "eggs". This is the first morning he has asked for eggs in English rather than Thai. He was so proud!

The potty training is going so well. He had 1 accident yesterday and today so far no accidents. He talks to himself on the potty pointing to his diaper saying "mai tee tee" "no tee tee" then he points to the potty and says "tee tee". As we are putting on his pull up he is telling it "mai tee tee". I guess he needs to talk about it and remind himself, but he certainly understands the concept and is doing his best to use the "hong nam" bathroom.

It's as if he's always been here. It's amazing how quickly life becomes normal and things just click. At nap time he curls up next to me and quiets down, he generally will then ask to be held and falls asleep with me holding him, such a sweet thing for me. He sleeps between Veldon and me and is always touching one of us. He absolutely does not like to be alone ever. He is scared to death if I walk out of the room while he is trying to go to sleep. I suppose he'll continue to sleep with us for a good long time, but that's fine with us. Sleeping together encourages bonding and trust and as long as he needs the security of it we'll give it to him. I'm so grateful he wants us when he's afraid and doesn't push us away, that's a huge plus for attachment.

I'll post some new pictures soon. He is changing everyday and growing into a little American boy. We couldn't be more thrilled!

2 Weeks!

I think maybe exhaustion has set in for me. I'm sleeping fine but not really getting back into the swing of things. It has been nice to basically stay at home all the time the past few days and to have my parents here helping. They went home today and we will all miss them! (My mom did leave a casserole for dinner which we were all grateful for!!) Max seems to be adjusting well. He adores his siblings and spends a great deal of time with Katie, she is always willing to pick him up and cart him around, play games or build things.

He is working hard to figure out how to communicate with us, and at times the frustration overwhelms him and he cries. I can't imagine how annoying it must be for him to spend all his time not understanding or being understood. By the end of the day he is exhausted and grumpy. The good news is he loves to sleep so when we put him to bed, even if he halfway protests, he falls asleep without much trouble. He likes to go outside for short periods, but I have to laugh that this boy came from Thailand and isn't fond of being out in the heat. Generally when we take him out for a bit, he decides rather quickly he would rather be inside. He just wipes his head with his hand and heads to the door. It's pretty cute. We were worried that he would freeze in the US, but so far so good. It seems he appreciates the a/c which definitely means he fits in! It is amazing to think that this is the same little boy who just 2 weeks ago led us all over his orphanage to meet the important people, bid his nannies good-bye in his mismatched outfit and cried himself to sleep the first night, begging to go back. I wondered tonight as I held him to go to sleep what he would think if he were to walk back into the orphanage today. Obviously, I have no way of knowing, but I hope he would not want to be there, if only because life in a home is so much better. Even if he doesn't understand mommy and daddy yet, which there's really no way he could, I hope that he would feel his life has vastly improved in the last fortnight.

We Skyped with Nicola, our sweet missionary friend in Thailand, yesterday. She asked him where he is and he answered "at home". That's so great. He knows he is home, he is frustrated and tired but he is home. He seems to be connecting to us. Having been a social worker, parenting teacher, and mental health worker for children I have huge concerns about bonding. Children from institutions can really struggle to attach to other people. The ability to love comes directly from being loved. Those kids who don't receive a sufficient amount of love will struggle with trust and attachment. Of course there is always hope, God is always sufficient, but an unattached child, or one who is not strongly attached needs an extra amount of work. We can't say right now, but Max seems to bond. He makes eye contact with us constantly. He looks at me when I feed him, although I don't feed him all his food I do feed him often to show him that we, his parents, provide for all of his needs. When I leave the room he typically calls me and wants to come too, the same is not true in the reverse he can leave without me. This is quite typical of an attached child, the "leash" from mother to child is held by the child. The child feels free to leave but not be left. If I left all the time and he did not notice it would be something we would need to work on.

He doesn't seem to be angry either, frustrated with the language barrier, but not angry. That might change of course, but so far he wakes up happy, and throws very few fits. He is as stubborn as the day is long to be sure! He has no real desire to sit on the potty and do his business. Often times he will whine and point to his diaper. Of course that would be easier for him, but there's no way I'm going to continue to change a 4 year old's diaper. Luckily he does prefer to go "#2" on the pot...(I know TMI), but I consider it a great blessing and had to share. Yesterday he got a Pez every time he did his business on the potty, today he did it and turned the Pez down a few times, tonight he sat on the potty for a very long time pointing to his diaper and telling me "mai" which of course means no. He wanted the diaper not the potty. Don't think he doesn't understand either because when we say "potty" in English he either starts to fuss or starts to head to the bathroom.) He finally went tonight and there was great rejoicing in the house...and he got to flush which seems to be a big deal. The thing for me is if he's smart enough to want the diaper on for ease, he's smart enough to use the potty!

As one would expect from any orphan there are delays. He asserts his will more like a 2 year old than a 4 year old. His attention span is rather short right and he has fairly low frustration tolerance. All of these things are normal and as Max lives at home and grows he will begin to and continue to catch up, but it's very important that although his birth and physical ages are 4 his developmental age is much lower. The fact that he is small should help others to not be as hard on him as they could be. I'm so very pleased with where he is. One of my favorite things to do is study, study theology, culture, people, adoption...whatever. I love to learn and right now I am enjoying learning about my son. I enjoy speculating as to where he might be developmentally in different areas. I've read Thai growth charts on-line over and over to see where his height and weight are. He's a little small even for a Thai, but he's on target. Obviously there aren't developmental charts on line, but I'm guessing anyway. The better I try to understand him the more I can help him begin to catch up. It would do him no good at all for me to decide his age is 4 and treat him as such, we would be frustrated beyond belief and it would certainly create a less strong bond between us.

Well, this has been rather philosophical. That's were I am right now though...oh and exhausted which makes everything I just said seem so much harder! He is a wonderful precious child and although there will be bumps on this journey I am so grateful to our God that He has chosen me to mother this child!

The End of the Beginning...

I know I stole the title from a great Christian song...but it fits so well here. Our flight home signaled the end of the beginning of our life with Max...now we just get to live life as a family after 31 months of waiting. These are some pictures Kam, Kelly and my mom snapped of us coming home with our sweet Max. Please remember Veldon and I were 30+ hours of traveling, not sleeping (putting on make-up..obviously) or changing clothes! We were exhausted and oh so happy to be home! What a great homecoming to see our family and friends, people we love dearly, standing there waiting for us and cheering as we walked up the ramp!







































Thanks for all the pictures. I love you guys!

Home Sweet Home

We've been home for two days now and I finally feel normal enough to make a post. We had a quite a welcoming committee as we walked to baggage claim Saturday evening. It was great to see my kids, my parents and some of our dearest friends. Max just held on and watched all that was going on. He was very excited to see Hayden and went right to him. It took a little while to gather our luggage since we had been bumped from our original flight from L.A. By the way the L.A. airport is ridiculous! I can't even express how annoying it was, but we were only there a few hours and then we jumped on the plane and came home for good! After getting everything loaded we rode home together for the first time as a family of 6. We were a little concerned about how Max would take the car seat, he just sat in it and allowed me to buckle it without a word of complaint.

Max did great on the planes...all three of them. We sat in the same row, first row behind first class, middle section, on every flight. I think maybe Max thought we just kept getting off the plane and back on. He was such a little trooper, he walked a lot through the airports and slept much of the time on the planes. He complained a little about the food but when bribed to eat for a drink of Diet Coke he was most compliant.

At home our first night he slept soundly all night. He woke up about 6:00 am Sunday morning, which was fine with us, we were so grateful to be in our own bed and to get a good deal of sleep the first night home. Sunday he got to know the house, played with his toys and complained about the dogs. He has had a couple little melt downs, but they mostly seem to revolve around being very, very tired. His body is trying to adjust to the new times and he is super tired. His patience is short and he doesn't want to be bothered with things like going potty, or changing clothes or waiting for "ma-MA", his noodles. Basically though he is doing great. His first response to everything is "mai" ~ no. It doesn't matter what it is he says "mai". I say "Max do you want mommy to hold you?" he says "mai" as he is holding up his hands to me. He says "mai, mai, mai" has he is putting his feet into his pants to get dressed or as I am changing his diaper and he is helping me take it off. He really likes to start with a "no" I guess he figures he can always change his mind and often he does.

The kids all adore Max and play with him a lot. They carry him around and cater to his whims and demands. We are all thrilled to have him home. He walks all over the house pointing to various items and saying "nit" (this), we tell him what it is and he repeats it several times. He is working hard to learn. It will be fun to watch him learn English and start to really communicate with us. He is loaded up with personality and full of words, it will be nice when we can all understand those words.

Coming Home

Well, today we saw a complete turn around at the U.S. embassy. The worker who was so rude to me apologized and she said we could pick up Max’s visa tomorrow after 3:00. It was amazing! Veldon and I were both crying by the time we left. She was kind about our wait for Max and explained that she was covered up yesterday. Praise the Lord for the prayers of the saints. He certainly worked a miracle for us today. We are flying home on Sat. and, provided we don’t get bumped, we will be home Sat. evening. Even if we do get bumped in LA we will be rolled to the next flight and we will be in America! We are so excited to bring our son home.

We said good-bye to Nicola today. What a blessing she has been to us these last 6 months and although we only saw each other for a week God has given us a bond, we will forever cherish her. We wish we could do more to help her ministry at Pakkred, but we will continue to be faithful to give what God has provided.

Max is exhausted…absolutely worn out! He woke up yawning and took a nap by 10:00 this morning, maybe 11:00 actually. Time escapes me here, having no concept of time is driving Veldon crazy but I think I enjoy it. We took the ferry over to the other side of the river to meet Nicola at the Skytrain and to eat one last meal at the department store. By the time we left to return to the hotel it was pouring down rain. I really thought that Thais would just carry on in the rain but they don’t, they stop everything. It was rather strange. We carried on like good American’s (and Brit) and just got wet. My hair is a mess now but it has been since we arrived in this hot, humid country with the strange electricity.

Max and Veldon played soccer in the sand this morning and Max seemed to really enjoy it. It is amazing how well he can kick a ball, catch a ball and even throw a ball. He is a natural athlete..at the age of 4 we’ll have to see how that goes as he grows older.

The next order of business for sweet Max is to deal with his arm. He uses his hand amazingly well and doesn’t seem to notice it is different. It is different though and it seems rather weak, of course. His scars are extensive and I wonder if they were infected at some point. Nicola thought maybe even the stitches were too tight and have now stretched. Whatever the cause I think an American surgeon will surely be able to clean up the scars as we deal with the arm. His right arm is also not quite right. He can’t extend it all the way. We have known that since the beginning, but I am anxious to talk to a doctor and see if he will need surgery on that arm as well or maybe just physical therapy. There has to be a reason he has these orthopedic issues and I hope we find a doctor who will be able to answer our questions. He is so smart and recognizes a doctor’s office a mile a way. I hate that we will be the ones taking him for further pain, but it is necessary if he is to have better use of his arms. I am so grateful he is with us now and we are in charge of his health and the decisions that will affect the rest of his life. I am applying him for Shriner’s Hospital. If he is accepted he will receive the very best care available and they will treat him for the rest of his life. That would be such a blessing for him. I trust God with this. If he is to be at Shriner’s he will be if not, that just means the best doctors for Max aren’t there. God is in control and we can and do trust Him with this precious gift He has given us to raise.

Well, that’s about all that is going on here. We are so very grateful for all we have been given this week from hotel stays, to airline passes to a most precious little boy. God has been faithful and has used the church in such an incredible way. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, given gifts to us for Max and waited expectantly. We have been blessed beyond measure and we can’t wait to support the next family in our own church body who will go pluck a child out to be an orphan no more!