Camelot ~

This post has basically nothing to do with adoption and since there is nothing happening on the adoption front right now...discouraging for sure....I think I'll blog about something different!

Last Sunday night the church had a 5 year anniversary roast and reception for Veldon. We knew about the reception the roast was a surprise...kind of. We had no idea what to expect, and since it is summer time and our church tends to check out for the summer we had no idea how many people would show up. It turned out to be a very sweet evening for our entire family. Some of the choir members roasted Veldon in a very fun loving, sweet way. The reception was very sweet with three cakes, one for Veldon, one for me, and one for the kids. I was a little overwhelmed that they would add the kids and me to the list. I don't feel like I am able to do as much as I have in the past since we home school our kids now. But I love the church completely and look forward to any activity with the body.

During the reception one of my friends said something to me that I think I will never forget. She said that the staff all love each other so much (very true) and that this is "such a great time in the life of our church I wonder if someday we'll all look back and think about this time as Camelot?" It was such sweet thing to say. She went on to talk about how much she appreciates the staff and is purposeful in thinking about these days so they don't slip by without thought. I was overwhelmed with her thoughts. As I have pondered these words over the last 6 days I can't help but be moved and a little apprehensive about the future. These truly are glorious days in our lives and in the life of our church. There's no substitute for a pastoral staff who love each other and respect one another...we know we've been there. I wonder what the future holds when these days draw to a a close...which at some point they will. Our pastor is a truly godly man, he preaches the Word without flinching...at least not publicly after all it's not always a popular message. He encourages the other pastors in their ministries and cares very much for the body he is shepherding. He is older than we are so it seems likely he will retire before we do. I wonder if it is wrong to dread that already?!

So as we continue to wait for our precious Max to come home we are comforted with a loving, wonderful church body and a staff that is seeking God and cares for each other. I'm so grateful that God has chosen to bless us with serving this wonderful church, and that He has placed us in Canton, GA to raise our children and wait for the next one...or two! I pray I never take these days for granted and never lose sight of His blessings!

Why Adopt...What about the Memo?

God has called us to this so no matter the ups and downs we'll stay the course! I am almost 42 years old and (hopefully) in the next 6-9 months I will have a preschooler again...that kind of racks my brain. I watch preschoolers in anticipation of our future and think "oh my they take a lot of energy...I have forgotten". I think about carrying a little one around all the time using a body that is 10 years older than the last time. I think about nap time, bed time and babysitters...all things I haven't thought about in several years. Toys in the front room, baths and tantrums, are all a part of our future...again. At our age we are veering off the road most of our same aged friends are on and doing an about face. We will likely be alone much of the time on this road. Most of the people our age have grown, or nearly grown kids. Why would we choose to start over? Financially things are not easy by any stretch of the imagination but they aren't bad either. I can actually buy a clearance quilt for my bed and not worry that something will go unpaid...that's a blessing. So why are we doing this? Why are we going in reverse, spending copious amounts of money, which we don't have, and changing everything?

I don't follow many blogs, but I just signed up to follow one (actually 2 but that's another story). The author is a home school, adoptive, biological, older mom and a crazy, radical Christian, passionate about serving Christ. She wrote an entry a while back about not getting the "memo". I think Veldon and I fall into that category. We didn't get the memo either. The memo is the one the world, and honestly many in the church, has that tells them that more things are better, bigger homes, fancy cars, big savings accounts, multiple expensive vacations, etc. According to the memo those are the things that define success, give security, and are worthy of striving for. Clearly we missed the memo! I think a bigger house would be great, but at the expense of home schooling my children or, heaven forbid, adopting Max NO WAY! I think a newer, bigger car with leather would be lovely, but at the expense of quiet evenings at home with our kids, or being home all day, every day with them NO! We didn't get the memo that security comes from money or stocks or savings. We tried for many years to get a hold of that crazy memo. But by God's grace we were never able to get our hands on it. Through years and years He taught us that we could ONLY rely on Him. He alone is our hope and our salvation.

When He led us back to seminary...with three kids...we knew we could trust Him. When He led us to a church, after being deeply hurt by a church...we knew we could trust Him. When He tells us to give to others when we don't have much...we know we can trust Him and when He called us to bring home another child we knew we could trust Him.

I watch those around me chasing the wealth of the world and I wish they hadn't gotten the memo either. I watch them storing up their treasures in things and money and man's approval and I hurt for them. I think we look different to people right now. The looks on people's faces as they try to tell us, kindly mind you, that we are on the wrong road and clearly this adoption isn't going to happen, basically that we get the credit with God for trying and don't have to actually adopt...tells me they don't get it. When other believers tell us in a matter of fact way that's great for us to adopt but they couldn't do it, they don't get it. (Not that everyone is called to adopt, I wonder if they've asked God about adopting...no matter, we are all called to live differently!) As people live for the next great vacation or new car or bigger house it seems to me they don't get it...or actually they did get it...the memo! The reality is this that the only thing that lasts are the souls of men, not the wealth or the house or the vacation. Why wouldn't I bring more children to my home to teach them about Jesus so that He can call them to Glory? Men are saved through the preaching of the Word, whether it be at home or at church or on the street corner. How are these kids going to hear the preaching of the Word without someone to preach it to them? I'm going to preach it at home to as many as He will allow me to. I know that bringing Max home doesn't insure his salvation, and I know in the end I will know that God is right in whom He calls and does not call, but what would be the point but for lives to be saved?!

So we didn't get the memo and I hope we never do. I hope we look strange to the world and to even the church. I hope we stand out as those odd home schoolers who adopted a kid or two in their old age. :0) I hope God is glorified in all that I do and never ashamed with what I choose to do with the resources He has blessed us with.

Did you get the memo?

13 Months

A few days ago marked the beginning of our 13th month of official waiting. To say I never saw this coming would be an understatement! Of course the thought crossed my mind that we might pass a year but I quickly cleared my mind of such "nonsense" and believed I was just being negative or gloomy to go there. Yet here we are. Several months ago our social worker sent an update to all waiting families indicating that the wait, after dossier, might be as long as 20 - 24 months. I was so discouraged and heartbroken yet again I chose not to think about it and surely not to be believe it. Those numbers are becoming much more real to me now. It could very well be, and seems likely it might be, after Christmas this year before we bring Max home. How can that be! Every fiber of my being fights against such possibilities. Everything in me hurts and prays it won't be but the evidence is there, and even if we received a referral today, unlikely, it could be 6+ months before we travel. Six months from today is December 3 so the possibility becomes more real with every day we lose.

I really have no idea how to process any of this. I stopped praying for a referral because I'm so tired of being told no. I pray for Max and for his safety, for God to prepare his heart for our family, for his future salvation, for bonding and for our wisdom as we raise him, but I'm not asking for any specifics like "please God bring him home by fall". None of this makes any sense to me. Why the wait? Why the pain? Why does this precious child have to continue in that cold orphanage when he has a family? Why!?! I don't know. I wish I did. I wish I understood more fully, I wish I was better at this.

On a bright side I do believe God has a plan and a purpose. He has not forgotten us, nor our little boy. He will, and is, using this for His glory. He will bring people into our lives who will need to know we waited and we understand the pain, that pain the is deeper than words can express. We waited. We watched him grow from afar with a few pictures here and there. We waited wondering if his booboos are being kissed and if his hand is being held. We waited to tell him to his face that we love him and would do anything for him. We waited and waited and we will continue to wait. We will wait even when people tell me we are on the wrong path and obviously this isn't God's will. We will wait when people tell me I haven't handled this well. (I wonder what handling this well looks like!?) We will wait even as we wonder if it is every going to happen. We will wait until God slams a door shut that cannot be opened. I don't foresee that happening, but if it does we would have to trust Him all the more. He is a good and gracious God and I am so grateful for the ability to truly believe that He is good even when He seems so distant and everything seems so out of control. If we can only call Him good when He seemingly gives us what we want in our time frame that would be very shallow praise indeed!