Extra Love...Really?

So today it happened!  Max started playing U*wards Soccer a few weeks ago and today was his first game.  Now, of course I am his Momma, but I think he's a pretty good little player, he can control the ball...for a 5 year old that's better than most.  What Max has in the ability to control the ball he looses in his inability to focus.  Watching the ball and listening to the coach are both things that need work, but of course he's only 5. So we'll cut him a little slack and expect that he will improve in all of these areas as time goes on.  

Max is a compliant and generally easy to get along with child.  If he bows up about something it's really only with family members.  I've never seen him, nor been told by anyone, that he has behaved badly in other settings.  Last year in preschool he and his friend, Joel, were Thai kick boxing and leading the 2 yr olds to violence. He was told to stop and, aside from a few reminders, he stopped.  He doesn't really argue, he doesn't throw fits and he goes with the flow.  That being said, he's not like a lot of other kids his age.  Again, I'm biased and he's mine but he's a good boy.

The first week of soccer Veldon and Max forgot his ball.  I didn't go and had no car to run a ball over to them.  Another little boy was in the same spot for a little bit, and Veldon and his mom were talking about not realizing they would need a practice ball.  The other mom thought she might have one and ran to check her car...she did and brought it back...to give to her son...to completely ignore Max and the fact he didn't have one.  Max kind of followed along with practice and used a ball when the coaches could get another child to share...which wasn't often.  One boy, the coach's son, sat on his ball when he wasn't using it to be sure he didn't have to share.  Max still had fun, fell down a lot and talked about it all week.

Fast forward one week. Max reminded us 100 times, if he reminded us once, that he needed a ball for soccer practice.  We pumped up the ball and took it to practice. One little boy forgot his ball this week. Max brought his, the coach's son spent most of the practice pushing his ball around the ground with his head.  Here's the thing, every time...not once...or twice...every....single....time they ran a drill or practiced anything Max was asked to do his once and then give his ball to the little boy who forgot his ball.  We are all for sharing, we are fine with sharing.  Max shared every time with a sweet spirit.  He didn't think anything about it, but I did.  At first it was sweet for Max to share and sharing is important, but after a while it wore on me.  Why did Max have to share every time? I know why.  Because he is a nice boy, he didn't whine, throw a fit, sit on his ball or resist sharing, he did it and that was easier for the coach to deal with.  I'm glad he's a nice boy, but the old saying "nice guys finish last" came to mind here. Max got less practice and less instruction because he's a nice guy.  Will it matter in the course of his life? NO it's not a big deal, but it was frustrating as a Momma to watch.

Today the girls, Veldon and I all loaded up our chairs, drove 2 cars and watched Max play his first game.  He did great, he loved it, he made a goal for his team and for the other team, cause if the goal is right there you gotta use it!  At some point in the game, on the side lines, the coach's son was not playing and he asked his mom what was wrong with Max. His mom answered that (this is where 'it' happened) "Max is special and needs extra love."  WHAT!?!  He has messed up arms, what does that have to do with extra love? In the same few minutes I read a FB post about Special Needs basketball and crying with joy and God smiling and I thought WHAT!?!  They both so bothered me.  I knew this was coming. I didn't want Max to play soccer because I didn't want to expose him to the world, I know that I protect him from things because people say ridiculous things, not on purpose, they just do. I didn't want him, or me honestly, to have to listen to the other kids say things about his arm.  But I really expected the adults to be smarter about it.  To say something like "his arms are different, it's not big deal" seems about right for me.  Of course, it's not new for me so I can cut her some slack...and I will...eventually!

Max played soccer better than most of the kids on either team.  He struggles with paying attention, I still think it's a little bit of a language thing. If you don't understand everything everyone is saying then check out until you do understand.  That's what he does.  He won't always do it, but for now he does.  Why does Max need extra love because his arms are different?  He fell a lot and got up all by himself, as he always does.  He threw the ball in just like his friends did.  He can catch a big or small ball better than most and he does basically everything other kids do with normal arms.  He is different, no doubt about that, but the lengths of his arms is basically where the 'different' ends. He does and will have specific challenges and we have to make some choices about his arm in the future which I don't care to make, but I will because that's what parents do, but other than that he's fine.  His brain is great, his legs work well, his arms are different and one is rather short.  He's not an adorable idiot, he's a normal little boy who I am sure doesn't want extra love because of his arms.

I'm not angry at what was said, I'm really not. I try not to be thin skinned, but who wants to be liked or loved or hated based on physical appearance?  Not me, not Max.  Love someone because they are made in the image of God and deserve love. Love someone because they are kind and giving and pleasant to be around. Don't ever like or love someone because they have short arms, no arms, missing fingers, missing legs...those things don't define people, they just add to the tapestry of life.