We all got up early yesterday, 6:00am during Christmas break, got ready and headed north for our adoption hearing. We chose to use an attorney in TN who also works in GA because he was Kam and Jason's attorney and understands the process really well. We also wanted to finalize in a county other than our own because our county is known for giving adoptive parents a really hard time about finalizing. It seems crazy but it's true nonetheless. In my opinion it's a small example of how judges can grab more power than is actually Constitutional for them to have. As adoptive parents we jump through all the hoops, follow all the rules, pay all the fees to all the various government departments state and federal and then to be cleared by the state, and the federal government along with the Thai government to adopt and have the county say it's not enough is ridiculous! So we bypassed our county and went north.
When Veldon was putting Max's shoes on him, before we left yesterday morning, he looked out the window and said "oh it's still night time!" in his most exasperated voice and his nose all crinkled up. We all laughed and tried to explain it was really early morning. He wasn't interested in the semantics, he saw it was still dark outside and could not begin to understand why he was up.
The hearing was short and sweet, we all piled into a small conference room, the girls, Veldon, Max, me and Kam. Kam went with us because we don't have any family close by to witness it or take pictures. Hayden worked late the night before and opted to stay home. As it turned out Kam couldn't take her camera into the court building so she couldn't take any pictures and it was raining outside so the attorney took a couple with us and the judge and then we ran to the car and off to McDonald's.
Our attorney asked Veldon to give the judge a history our Max's life. Veldon did a great job of giving a skeleton view. I was wishing he would have asked me because I had so many other things I would have added. It hit me later in the day that I bet that attorney was being smart asking the dad. They really aren't looking for a play by play of the child's life, that a mother would give, but just a quick summary of his experience. So I have to commend my man for not being as prone to use and over use details as I am!
Of course, having completed the entire process now I have to look back and reflect on all we have walked through to bring our son home. I started reading Orphanology a week or so ago, I will be leading a study of it in the Spring with Kam, and the very first chapter, it might have been the introduction even, hit me. The author was talking about the cost of adoption, financial, emotional, time etc. the things that stop people from beginning the process or even wanting to bring an orphan home. He said he struggled with all the costs involved, he struggled with the wait, with money, with everything and didn't really want to do it. Then, as he studied the Word, he recognized the cost to Christ and the Father for our salvation, a cost and a loss and a sacrifice that could never even begin to compare with the tiny cost to us in bringing a child home and his perspective changed. Of course, knowing the cost of our salvation was immeasurable wasn't a new truth to him but seeing our own selfish sacrifices in light of that of Christ's changed everything!
I love that! I love that when we compare ourselves to the world, what we have, who we are, sacrifices made...whatever, we will either feel really good about ourselves and what we are doing or we will feel we don't have enough ~ time, money, energy, etc. On the other hand, if we compare ourselves to Christ we can only see ourselves in the light of His holiness and we can only see our need in the light of His abundance! We can't give more than He, we can't do more than He and we can't have more than He.
So as I think about the road we walked. It cost us much, a lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of money, a lot of pain, but Christ was sufficient to provide for all of our needs. He understands sacrifice and He understands how to care for us when we struggle and hurt. I am so grateful that He walked the road before I did. That He adopted me before I adopted a child, that He understands loss, and wait and all of it. I am grateful for the opportunity Christ gave to us to become the parents of our son.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The End of a Very Long Process
It seems lately that my blog posts don't get finished/posted the day I begin them so this was written on Tuesday 12/20.
This was my conversation with Max today as we discussed going to court in the morning and seeing the judge so we could be his parents forever.
He is talking more about Thailand right now. Asking me to say things in "Thailand" and then he will tell me what they mean. If I ask him what an English word is in Thai he usually can't recall it, but if I say the Thai to him he generally can. This won't be a good method for him retaining his Thai as I can say about 10 words/phrases and I don't say them well. But it is very interesting watching him become fluent in his new language and hold on to the old. If there were a way for him to retain it I think we might try but I have no way of doing that. It would require immersion and that's not possible, but perhaps when he is an adult he'll be able to learn Thai again if he so desires.
As I have mentioned about a billion times we are cautiously optomistic that all will be quick and easy in the morning.
This was my conversation with Max today as we discussed going to court in the morning and seeing the judge so we could be his parents forever.
He is talking more about Thailand right now. Asking me to say things in "Thailand" and then he will tell me what they mean. If I ask him what an English word is in Thai he usually can't recall it, but if I say the Thai to him he generally can. This won't be a good method for him retaining his Thai as I can say about 10 words/phrases and I don't say them well. But it is very interesting watching him become fluent in his new language and hold on to the old. If there were a way for him to retain it I think we might try but I have no way of doing that. It would require immersion and that's not possible, but perhaps when he is an adult he'll be able to learn Thai again if he so desires.
As I have mentioned about a billion times we are cautiously optomistic that all will be quick and easy in the morning.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Great News For Max
Today (actually 3 days ago, but I'm just now finishing the post) Max went to the last of his endocrinologist appointments. He was rather nervous and wasn't sure he could believe me that he wasn't going to get another shot. I assured him and even promised him that no matter what there would be NO shot. The first thing he said to the doctor when he walked into the door was "I can't want a shot". The doctor...who is a little bit odd...was taken aback a bit by Max but then he chuckled and said he could probably work that out. Max looked at me and smiled as if to let me know that he had taken care of it. Of course there was no way I was going to allow another shot after promising the boy and after as many has he has had even if he needed another one it could wait for a month. But all the promises were in vain and unnecessary because Max is done with growth shots and hormone shots!! The doctor said he doesn't see any need for anymore shots and surgery is no longer necessary. Again Veldon and I were stunned, but unlike our Shriner's experience I asked a lot of questions, I think to the point of annoying the mousy doctor, but that's fine with me.
Amazingly this sweet boy with the crooked arm who was going to come home and face surgery after surgery and even more surgeries for issues we didn't know existed is seemingly off the hook! I would have never even thought to hope that he would not be looking at surgery. I would have guessed that by December, 6 months after coming home, he would have already had at least one surgery and facing more. That's what everyone told us and what conventional wisdom thought. I know people, on our TARS support group list, who have had up to 20 surgeries by the time they are into young adulthood. Max may still, and I think likely will, need surgeries in the future but if he can go a year home without surgeries, a year to adjust, to bond, to grow, to get healthy, then I will count it as a huge victory!
We finished our first semester of preschool this week. Max had a good semester! He has learned a lot and loves the structure of the preschool. He was also evaluated for kindergarten in the fall and I filled out the application for kindergarten and as soon as I pushed "send" thought "I don't think I'll send him in the fall". I don't know what we'll do actually. We have never been the parents that push their kids to get big. I kept my kids in children's clothes for as long as I possibly could, they listened to children's music and watched Veggie Tales, Barney and Dora for a long time. Max has developmental delays for sure. Although he is 4 1/2, actually closer to 5, he doesn't play well with other kids. He engages more in parallel play, he plays around other kids. He plays really well with our neighbor's little boy who turned three a few months ago. He also isn't good about taking care of himself, when someone is unkind to him he doesn't know to tell the teacher. I am sure this is a holdover from institutional life, you just go with whatever comes your way. But I don't want him to allow children to be mean to him. When it happens and I ask him if he told the teacher he's blank. "No why would I do that?" Kind of blank. Not that I want him to be a tattle tale I just want him to be able to protect/defend himself. He is also rather small for 4 1/2. He's in 5th percentile for height and 16th for weight. He's still a little guy! Well, all that being said I guess I'm not sure what to do in the fall. Thankfully we have a little time to figure it out. I don't think we would ever regret giving him another year to catch up, I don't think I would mind waiting another year before starting to school him, but I also don't want him to be frustrated with preschool and bored.
We finalize in five days! I'm am cautiously excited. I'm also ready for this very long, very tiresome process to be done. God has blessed us so greatly with this beautiful boy who is smart, and funny and fits into our family perfectly. He is engaged with his world, remembers everything, talks all the time and is generally pleasant to be around. It seemed that everything went wrong in bringing this beautiful boy home, but once he got home things have gone so beautifully well! What an amazing God we serve!
Amazingly this sweet boy with the crooked arm who was going to come home and face surgery after surgery and even more surgeries for issues we didn't know existed is seemingly off the hook! I would have never even thought to hope that he would not be looking at surgery. I would have guessed that by December, 6 months after coming home, he would have already had at least one surgery and facing more. That's what everyone told us and what conventional wisdom thought. I know people, on our TARS support group list, who have had up to 20 surgeries by the time they are into young adulthood. Max may still, and I think likely will, need surgeries in the future but if he can go a year home without surgeries, a year to adjust, to bond, to grow, to get healthy, then I will count it as a huge victory!
We finished our first semester of preschool this week. Max had a good semester! He has learned a lot and loves the structure of the preschool. He was also evaluated for kindergarten in the fall and I filled out the application for kindergarten and as soon as I pushed "send" thought "I don't think I'll send him in the fall". I don't know what we'll do actually. We have never been the parents that push their kids to get big. I kept my kids in children's clothes for as long as I possibly could, they listened to children's music and watched Veggie Tales, Barney and Dora for a long time. Max has developmental delays for sure. Although he is 4 1/2, actually closer to 5, he doesn't play well with other kids. He engages more in parallel play, he plays around other kids. He plays really well with our neighbor's little boy who turned three a few months ago. He also isn't good about taking care of himself, when someone is unkind to him he doesn't know to tell the teacher. I am sure this is a holdover from institutional life, you just go with whatever comes your way. But I don't want him to allow children to be mean to him. When it happens and I ask him if he told the teacher he's blank. "No why would I do that?" Kind of blank. Not that I want him to be a tattle tale I just want him to be able to protect/defend himself. He is also rather small for 4 1/2. He's in 5th percentile for height and 16th for weight. He's still a little guy! Well, all that being said I guess I'm not sure what to do in the fall. Thankfully we have a little time to figure it out. I don't think we would ever regret giving him another year to catch up, I don't think I would mind waiting another year before starting to school him, but I also don't want him to be frustrated with preschool and bored.
We finalize in five days! I'm am cautiously excited. I'm also ready for this very long, very tiresome process to be done. God has blessed us so greatly with this beautiful boy who is smart, and funny and fits into our family perfectly. He is engaged with his world, remembers everything, talks all the time and is generally pleasant to be around. It seemed that everything went wrong in bringing this beautiful boy home, but once he got home things have gone so beautifully well! What an amazing God we serve!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Santa is for All Some Children
Christmas is quickly approaching! Of course the whole house is excited...especially Max who knows something really good is going on but really has not idea what to expect. He asks questions and talks about the tree. He knows presents are involved, but since there aren't any under the tree yet he isn't sure how that part works. As I've mentioned before the boy is brilliant! He notices everything around him, including a man walking to his car through the gas station parking lot yesterday. The man had a black, soft brace around his middle and when he got to the car Max asked "What people do to their back?". I asked who he was talking about, I knew but I wanted to double check that he was really asking what I thought he was. He said "that people right their in her car, what he do to her back?" (Yes, he's a bit confused with pronouns right now!) Of course I had no idea what the man did to his back and told Max as much he then mused and said "Maybe fell down?". That seemed plausible so I agreed it was possible and then Veldon was back and we were leaving. I was left stunned that his 4 1/2 year old who is still adapting to his world noticed this about someone else and even tried to figure out what had happened!
That being said I will now move to Christmas. I am a huge fan of Christmas, I don't like the commercialization nor do I like the over decorating or the Black Friday nonsense, but really who does? None of the a fore mentioned stuff makes me special in the least. One thing I do really love about Christmas is Santa! I collect Santas and love how sweet they all look around my house and on my tree. I am partial to the traditional version or even the English, long cloak version, not so fond of modern Santas playing golf or ...whatever. I know he's become very secular and many believers poo poo the man in red with the rosy cheeks, but not me! I love the idea of Santa, I love how he looks and what he stands for. Saint Nicolas was real and his tradition of helping the poor is a blessing to read about and to see the love of Christ flow through such a common man. Santa is a little different than his namesake. Santa seems to exist more for the wealthy of our world and less for those truly in need! Of course when Santa isn't real and it's incumbent on parents to fill in for the jolly soul then it stands to reason Santa gives more to those who can afford more, simple logic wins there.
When our older kids were little we did Santa with them and Katie was pretty sure Santa was real until about 5th grade (although she might deny that). We have had many friends who don't do the Santa thing which is fine. We tried to connect Santa with Jesus, even if in a lame, small way. We always told them that just like Jesus Santa gives us what we don't deserve because of love. It's a weak connection but a connection nonetheless. So when Max came home the question of Santa was looming, over my head at least! We decided that, given the memory our sweet son has and the connections he is able to make, there is no way we can make Santa seem even slightly real. We never want the question from him as to why Santa brings unnecessary things to rich kids in the Western world, but ignore the kids truly in need in orphanages all over the world? If Santa loves children wouldn't he seek to alleviate the suffering of children even for just one day? So Santa sits around our house as a make-believe icon of Christmas. There won't be any "Santa" gifts this year, which is actually fine with me I prefer to get the credit for the really great gifts my kids get! When we talk about Santa we talk about him as we do Frosty the Snowman or Barney. He is fun and pretend and there's nothing more to it. We can enjoy songs about him but he's pretend. Jesus, Mary and the Wise men they are real!
Max is a wise man in his preschool Christmas program on Monday. He is very excited and the preschool is doing a really good job at teaching him about what his going on. Of course we are talking about it at home too, but the reinforcement at the school is very nice. He talks about baby Jesus and the wise men and the angels (not to be confused with Aunt Jill).
I'll post pictures of the play next week!
That being said I will now move to Christmas. I am a huge fan of Christmas, I don't like the commercialization nor do I like the over decorating or the Black Friday nonsense, but really who does? None of the a fore mentioned stuff makes me special in the least. One thing I do really love about Christmas is Santa! I collect Santas and love how sweet they all look around my house and on my tree. I am partial to the traditional version or even the English, long cloak version, not so fond of modern Santas playing golf or ...whatever. I know he's become very secular and many believers poo poo the man in red with the rosy cheeks, but not me! I love the idea of Santa, I love how he looks and what he stands for. Saint Nicolas was real and his tradition of helping the poor is a blessing to read about and to see the love of Christ flow through such a common man. Santa is a little different than his namesake. Santa seems to exist more for the wealthy of our world and less for those truly in need! Of course when Santa isn't real and it's incumbent on parents to fill in for the jolly soul then it stands to reason Santa gives more to those who can afford more, simple logic wins there.
When our older kids were little we did Santa with them and Katie was pretty sure Santa was real until about 5th grade (although she might deny that). We have had many friends who don't do the Santa thing which is fine. We tried to connect Santa with Jesus, even if in a lame, small way. We always told them that just like Jesus Santa gives us what we don't deserve because of love. It's a weak connection but a connection nonetheless. So when Max came home the question of Santa was looming, over my head at least! We decided that, given the memory our sweet son has and the connections he is able to make, there is no way we can make Santa seem even slightly real. We never want the question from him as to why Santa brings unnecessary things to rich kids in the Western world, but ignore the kids truly in need in orphanages all over the world? If Santa loves children wouldn't he seek to alleviate the suffering of children even for just one day? So Santa sits around our house as a make-believe icon of Christmas. There won't be any "Santa" gifts this year, which is actually fine with me I prefer to get the credit for the really great gifts my kids get! When we talk about Santa we talk about him as we do Frosty the Snowman or Barney. He is fun and pretend and there's nothing more to it. We can enjoy songs about him but he's pretend. Jesus, Mary and the Wise men they are real!
Max is a wise man in his preschool Christmas program on Monday. He is very excited and the preschool is doing a really good job at teaching him about what his going on. Of course we are talking about it at home too, but the reinforcement at the school is very nice. He talks about baby Jesus and the wise men and the angels (not to be confused with Aunt Jill).
I'll post pictures of the play next week!
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