Letters From Thailand

Sometimes it seems that all hope is gone...it never is but some days are worse than others. I had one of those "no hope" days a few days ago. Just this sense of "what the heck are we doing?". We are too old for a preschooler, I'm too tired to run after a 3-4 year old, I don't want to live in this emotional abyss anymore, etc., etc. I shared these feelings with Veldon, he said I was just sick, and run down and worn out...he was right and although there is nothing in me that ever thinks I would truly quit sometimes I wonder at the insanity of this situation.

Within an hour, maybe a few minutes more, of sharing these dark feelings with Veldon my sweet friend Melissa called. They returned from Thailand a week ago from picking up their daughter. Her first words were "we met your son last week". She went on to tell me that they had not just met him but spent hours with him. They saw him on two different days and he was with them for over an hour each time. He sat on her husband's lap, played with their rings, rubbed Chris's hairy arms and went to look for his daddy when they told him good-bye on the second day. In those moments of hearing about my son all the fears and concerns melted away. He is still very real, he is still waiting. He knows his mommy and daddy are coming. He knows he is wanted and although he has no idea the degree of change coming, he knows change is coming.

In the conversation with Melissa she also gave me the name of a westerner, a Christian, who works at Max's orphanage and told me how to find her on Facebook. I got off the phone with Melissa and immediately found Nicola and "friended" her. What a blessing! We have written back and forth several times now. She is going to ask permission to take Max to church, to a western, Christian church, she wants to introduce him to dogs, as he seems to fear them, and might even ask the orphanage to start calling him his new name. She told me about his health and how loved he is in the orphanage. He is smart and happy. He is sometimes fearful and nervous. Nicola is going to tell him more about our family and start helping to prepare him for his homecoming! What a blessing to be one person away from communicating with our son! How sweet to be able to ask for updates and to get them in a reasonable amount of time. What a blessing to know that he is loved and cared for.

I am overwhelmed with God's graciousness. This has been the most difficult walk of my life. It has been lonely and discouraging. I want so much to bring our boy home...I'm sure we will it's just anyone's guess when that will happen. In the meantime I will be grateful for the letters from Thailand that connect us more closely to our Max.