This has been a crazy/great/scary adoption week for our family. Maybe not scary but a little overwhelming. We got our "hold" papers from the adoption agency for our Thai guy. We were contacted by two grant agencies and our applications are being reviewed...so we weren't rejected right off the bat. Lastly our guy received a subsidy from the adoption agency. The subsidy will go directly toward the agency fees. It won't completely cover the fees but will lower them a great deal. What a blessing! We also received, with the hold papers, all the information for putting together our dossier...WOW. It seems that we will have to redo half of what we have already done and spend a good couple of weeks running like crazy. That's fine I don't mind, he is certainly worth it, but as I read over all that needed to be done there was a part of me that just wanted to stick the packet in a drawer and call it quits. We won't, we are committed to following this road as far as God leads, even if it feels like we are walking in circles sometimes.
The scary part is that the papers go back next week with our payment, we don't have the payment. Grants take a very long time and although we are saving money there's not enough for the down payment and things keep coming up. The car needed repairs, the septic tank had to be pumped, tires wore out...you get the idea. I guess I'm not really scared, but I do struggle with what's next. My friend, Kelly, asked me on Friday "if we (by we she means her and us, she is so excited about this) are just waiting for God to drop the money out of the sky? If so that's fine, George Muller did and it seemed to work out for him." I don't really know what we are doing. I certainly don't have the faith of George Muller, but there's no way for me to
make something happen. We must trust Him through every step of this entire process, He has proven Himself to be faithful over and over He will do it again. It
is hard to just wait though. I keep picturing George and all those children around the breakfast table, asking a blessing for the food they
would receive because there was none in front of them. George's response to one children's statement that "there was no food" was that "God would provide". There was a knock at the door and God provided breakfast. I wish I had been one of those children sitting at that table! I can't make the thousands of dollars appear any more than one of those precious children could make their breakfast appear. Here's the wonderful thing, they had a need and God provided for it in a way that was so completely remarkable only
He could receive the glory. I hope that's His plan for us, I hope that the way this works out is so huge that all eyes are on Him.
A couple of weeks ago God led me to the book "Battling Unbelief", by John Piper. I had just had a conversation with Veldon confessing that I do trust and believe God but I struggle so with trusting and believing. I feel that I spend half of my life crying out "I believe, help my unbelief". I was sitting in choir practice and looked on the ground and there it was as big as day "Battling Unbelief". I asked the lady next to me where she got it, she said she is doing it as a study...at our church. (You would think I would have a better idea about what is going on at my church) She offered to let me borrow it when the study is over...in 5 weeks. I guess she saw my frown (not at her but at the idea of waiting) so she said they are also for sale in the church library. I couldn't get up the stairs and into that library fast enough! The book is incredible Piper is talking to me I'm sure of it. He reminds us that God will always do what is best, He is always at work for our good,
"for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 If we are seeking Him and working within His will He won't withhold anything good from us. We must trust His future grace that it
will work out for good even if it doesn't' feel like that today. He doesn't withhold good from us and all things are working together for good. We also must remember that He also doesn't work like we do. We do not think like Him or He like us. Every afternoon I run (figuratively of course) to the mailbox to see if His provision is here. The thing is I doubt the solution to this problem is going to come through the mail, I still look though. I'm thinking "mailbox"...God thinks very differently. Maybe He's just going to drop it over our house in a great big gift bag. :) I doubt it, but I know He will provide. Scared was probably too strong of a word, every once in a while I catch my breath and think there is no way this can work but then I remember who I am depending on. My father owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He has a way to bring this child home. Our faith was shaken three months ago when things seemed to take a turn in the wrong direction, but He worked mightily through the situation. I know that He is working still.
So here we are God our family is sitting around the breakfast table of this adoption waiting to see how you provide. I know that you will, and I am so excited to share some day with our Thai guy about our faithful God and how that God provided all that we needed to bring him home.
